Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

Every now and then I think about childhood. The good ol days or GOLDS as I like to call them. The sleep overs at friends' houses, the staying up late to watch a t.v show, and, perhaps most fun of all, the boardgames.

Everyone had their favorites. And with those favorites came categories. You had your standards that everyone knew such as connect 4 (my man Max G. is a killer) and candy land. Then their were the straight nerds who would always talk about D&D or Dungeons and Dragons. And of course, the pompass brats who only played Trivial Pursuit because everything else was 'below them'.

That all being said, I think it is safe to say that everyone, no matter how rich, spoiled, insecure, or stupid, knows the big Kahuna of them all: Monopoly. Granted some people might only be familiar with Monopoly through McDonald's game.

I haven't had the luxury of playing Monopoly in a long time. It is a game where you need at least 3 people (4 is so much better) and one then requires some time. In a day and age where we feel we are unproductive if not doing at least 4 things at a time, its hard to sit down and play a board game. However, last night I had the pleasure, no the honor, of playing Monopoly with some folks and really taking them to school.

After my girl Robin and I got our pastries at a local bakery, we were asked to join our fellow roommates in a friendly game of Monopoly. We accepted the offer even though I was a bit weary. I did not know if their style or rules were different. As you may or may not know, the rules of Monopoly vary from every family member to every U.S. state. (For example, Special Rule # 12 states: all the money from luxury tax or any other penalty goes under the 'Free Parking' spot. If someone lands on that spot, they get the money)

As I looked at the board itself to check out the names of the avenues and railroads I quickly noticed something was off. WAY OFF. There was no money around. None in the box, none in the hands of my competitors. I asked what the hell was going on and was told this was the modern version which meant everyone got 'credit cards' as opposed to money. There was even a little ATM type machine where you stick the card in following money transactions. Needless to say, I was shocked.

Once the game began, it became clear that the motive for everyone was to buy any and everything you land on. Whats that? Atlantic Avenue? Yeah I'll buy it. What's that? A pile of used diapers? Yeah, I'll buy it. As Robin and I were a team we decided we would just follow their lead and buy everything as well. After a few rolls, Robin and I were on the verge on getting a Monopoly. I told Robin to roll a 9 and sure enough, she did. We put some houses on those bad boys and we were ready to roll.

At this point in the game, we were the only ones with a monopoly. One of the other players, my housemate who is from Kosovo, was in bad shape. He only had 2 properties and was low on money. He was constantly sighing. This other guy named Ernesto was in the same boat. He had a few more properties than the first guy but, he too, was not happy. Part of the Italian rules is that you can buy properties from each other. All you do is just negotiate the price. Once Robin and I were really starting to dip into their pockets (we had 3 houses for each avenue we had in the monopoly) I decided to negotiate with this one girl. She was low on money and was in a desperate situation.

Robin told me we shouldn't buy the avenue from her because it would make the other two guys mad. I said F that and went ahead with the negotiating. After about 3 minutes, she caved. At this point, we had acquired our second monopoly. Not only that, this second monopoly was right before our first. We had an angle of the board. There was no way around our real estate. And what's more, we then went ahead and got three houses for each one of the avenues we just bought. Same to say from there on out, it was game over.

Once the two pouty guys noticed our angle of monopolies, they were furious. One even said, in Italian: F*CK THIS! and he threw his cards (of properties) onto the board and got up. His girlfriend, either out of being embarrassed or just wanting him to keep playing, began talking to him but to no avail. This dude was pissed. They were going back and forth arguing for about 4 minutes straight. Robin and I just looked at each other. I would have been counting my money in my hands rubbing it in his face but all I had was a credit card. But it still was sweet.

She eventually convinced him to stay in the game. However, shortly after this meltdown, the game would end anyway. As the Kosovo guy was approaching my territory, he became angry. In my opinion, he would not have blown up had he rolled a number that would have avoided my territory. Once he saw the numbers on each of the dice, he blew up. He said it was unfair and what is he to do. This lit the fire under Ernesto who continued with the argument that its no fun this way and its stupid to play like this. As soon as the Kosovo guy put his piece on one of the properties and saw how much he had to pay, s*it the fan. Ernesto decided it was time to end the game and once again through the cards on the table. The Kosovo guy did so as well. My boy Luigi said in Italian "I think Ari and Robin win". A Grinch like grin came across my face at this point.

As we all got ready for bed (it was past 1:30) I listened for a little while as Ernesto, the guy from Kosovo (his name is Fejsal, pronounced Phase-all. That's what I didn't mention it till now. You wouldn't be able to pronounce it), and Ernesto's girlfriend were still arguing over the game.

I thought to myself it is a beautiful thing when you win a game but other people are fighting over it. Like always, the aftermath of the monopoly game is always problematic. For me it was going to sleep wishing all the money I just made was real.

One day soon, it will be.