Indirect Entertainment

If there was anyway to get straight from the office to my house, someone please let me know. Even if something is in the works, hasn't passed FDA, FCC, Homeland Security, or whatever the hell, I am willing to try it. Until that day, I am forced to join the masses and ride BART.

Fortunately, there are always a cast of characters or at least some noteworthy folk around me. Today was particularly sweet; there were three people that really caught my eye.

First, in the morning, I noticed a woman decided to take a seat on the floor. Sure it is carpeted, sure all the seats were taken, but who really sits down on the train? I soon found out she did this because she had to put on her makeup. Holy sh*t...

I didn't want to stare but I felt like I was in the presence of a master. This woman was pulling out things from her purse that finally made me understand what females carry around in there. No lie, this woman looked like she was getting ready to create a watercolor painting. The way she was setting everything up in front of her and all her colors made me feel like I was back in 3rd grade art class

Not only was I baffled by the human mural that was on display, but I was really thrown for a loop when she brought out the tools for her eye lashes. At this point things were getting dangerous. I felt at any given moment this BART train would rattle too much and this woman would end up poking herself in the eye with an apparatus that surely would be banned on most commercial flights. Women, I just don't know how you do it.

Fast forward to the BART ride home and I am easily recounting one of the top 5 moments of the summer.

As my eyes are half open and my body weirdly tired from sitting down at my desk all day, I look up to scan the train. Almost at the opposite end from where I am standing I see something that I will never forget: a teenager absolutely going crazy listening to his Ipod.

This kid was just losing his mind. He looked like he was auditioning for one of the actual Ipod commercials when there are black figures going ape shit while listening to their Ipods and having loud colors in the background.From where I was standing it looked like he was going into cardiac arrest. I almost yelled for a doctor when I first saw him but, luckily for everyone, I refrained. Although I was highly entertained by watching this guy, the gentleman next to him might have stolen the show.

As this young man was going bananas, the guy next to him DID NOT MOVE A MUSCLE. I mean seriously. This guy only moved his eyeballs left and right. Even when the train came to an abrupt halt this guy was stapled to the ground. It seemed like this guy didn't want to ask Mr. Ipod to calm down or turn down the music nor did he want to relocate.

It looked like I was watching Jurassic Park all over again. Remember when the brother and sister are in the jeep after the power went out? The T-Rex comes by and they try to not make a sound...They are just statues with their eyes being the only thing that moves.

JUST like that.

Bloody brilliant.