I'll Take The Lead

I have been checking craigslist.com every day, 9 times a day since I got back from Italy. I have been looking for oppourtunities to do some acting. Everything from being an extra in a feature film to infomericals to body doubles for a TV show. But, for the most part, I send emails to fellow students who are working on their final proects.

Recently, I heard back from one of the 37 daily emails I send. It was from a girl who wanted me to be in her short movie for one of her classes at the New York Film Academy. I obliged.

It was to be an office shoot where my character would be wearing business casual. I reached for the Gap khakis, put on the dark orange colored Alfani, and was reaching for the Banana Republic loafers when I decided I would store them in my bag an opt for the sandals for the subway ride. (Huge move right there. Trying to avoid that sweat, ya feel me?!)

I was headed to West 27th and Broadway and was running slightly late. I arrived at the building 4 minutes late and went to the 5th floor. I met the "director" of the movie who was the girl I had spoken with through email and one other person from the crew. We chit chatted briefly about this and that and after 35 minutes of waiting, everyone else showed up. Well, almost everyone.

Originally, I was going to play a supporting role with only a few lines but the guy who was to play the main guy named Alex, never showed. So, I was called upon to fill in. I was pretty excited and up to the task.

The basic premise of the movie was there was a guy named Alex who works in an office and has become really sick and stressed. He has a big meeting with his boss later in the day and ends up getting these over the counter meds from co-workers(day quil, night quil, benadryl, theraflu,etc) He ends up taking all them and gets pretty loopy going into the meeting with the boss. He says off the wall things and in the end, he gets a promotion. (funny stuff happens in between)

At this point there was myself, two girls, and one other guy. The girls were my co-workers and the guy was gonna be my boss. The scenes with the girls were cool. I expressed my stressful situation and they conspiculously gave me meds. Sometimes it would be no-look handoffs near the copy machine or secret drop offs near the filing cabinet. The scene with the guy was a completely different story.

Before the final scene with the boss, there was a montage scene where all the co workers were high off some over the counter med and we were wearing party hats and dancing in conference rooms. Now, the two girls were your standard plain, friendly, white girls. This guy claimed he was Spainsh, Italian, and Greek or something but he was basically a duplicate of Fez from That 70's Show. If you don't know who that is, please go to Google and look him up. He even talked like him, too.

When he first came on screen, he kept talking about how the party hat would mess up his hair. He kept asking everyone if it looked alright and liked getting people's attention. He always found a reason to say something even though it was a scene without dialouge. I was begining to dislike this chico.

When the director asked which one of us wanted to ride a bike through the office for the next scene, I immideatly said "Francis should". He looked kind of taken back but he went through with it. He said in the "10 feature films I have been in, I haven't had to do this but okay!" You see, there wasn't a lot of room for him to make the turn from the hallway into the next room and I was hoping, praying he would crash.

He got on the bike, party hat, dress shoes and suit and all, and began swaying and jerking as he was riding. He barely made it with the first take. During the second take, he was not so lucky. As he was exiting the scene, he crashed head on into the wall and I was paralyzed with laughter. Success! Even the director, cameraman and microphone holder were rolling.

When it was time to shoot my scene with Francis, I knew it was going to be something. The two other girls had finished their scenes and dipped out. At this point, it was 9pm and everyone but Francis' late, wack ass had been there since 3. The scene called for Francis, myboss, to be sitting at his desk waiting for me. I rush in out of breath and try to locate my report while he criticizes me.

I rush in, say my lines and am straight. This cat could not remember jack sh*t. Not only could he not remember the 4 lines he had, he couldn't pronounce them. Not only could he not pronounce them, he made suggestions to the director about changing the scene. It got so bad with the lines the director said he could put the script in front of him on the table. Still didn't work. At one point, he talks on the phone and says "Its Barney meets Wonka" because I made these crazy business suggestions to him because I was high on theraflu and the likes. He kept saying "Its Barneys meet...Donka" or "Its Barney meets...uhh I'm sorry".

He kept saying sorry and smiling. He would try to cover his ass when he messed up by asking if he was doing it right and didn't know exactly what the director wanted so he stumbled. In the words of myself and my brother "Shut yo b*tch ass up!"

Once the director cut the last two lines as to minimize the "difficulty", he finally finished it. When he left the room to go to the bathroom, the crew and myself just lit into this guy. Criticism up and down the block. I'm no professional at acting (yet) but I know a jackass when I see one. The crew said he was the worst actor they had been around and one of the worst overall people. I mean this guy thought he was THE MAN. He told us he spoke 11 languages, too. And that wasn't even the half of it.

I thanked the crew and the director and was told that I should get a copy of the movie this week.

It was a fun overall experience except for that guy. Actually, if it wasn't for that guy, I wouldn't have much of a story to tell.

Although I would prefer to work with a real life Tyrone Biggums before I work with that guy again.