Training Day

(Note: For those who haven't read 'The Night Before', I suggest you do so now. This entry follows that one and will be that much better if you do so)

Emerging from the Embarcadero station, I was determined to not to get lost on my first day at work. As I glanced slowly around at the street signs, I easily spotted my building: 425 Market St. I felt a little out of place walking in the crowd. Not because I knew this was not everyone else's first day bur rather due to the fact that I didn't have a Blackberry nor was balding (knock knock). Nobody seemed to know that I was a rookie so I walked up to the security desk and stated my business.

I was told to head upstairs to the 33rd floor. Once at the reception desk I was informed the orientation would begin in 10 minutes and I could wait in the conference room. As I walked in a young gentleman was already seated at one of the chairs. We each gave a standard "Hey" and pretended the other didn't exist. I got up after a minute of awkward yet comical silence to look more closely at the snack and refreshments table. After deciding to not eat or drink anything with flavor, for fear of having the breath smell or something getting stuck in my teeth (oh come on, its the first day, you can't blame me), I settled on ice water. Not wanting to sit across silently from this guy, I put in my ice cubes as slow as possible to give myself more time with my back to him.

After realizing The Messiah could have returned, had a Mocha Frappuccino AND played Jumanji in the local park faster than the speed I was getting my ice water, I sat back down. Finally, one of us broke the silence and we introduced ourselves. However, the table before me was deceptively wide. As we reached across the table to shake hands, we ended up shaking just fingers due to the underestimation of the distance by both parties. It was great.

Shortly thereafter, the rest of the interns arrived as did the man who hired us and the narrator of the power point presentation. Once the presentation went underway I found myself very attentive. I also noticed that I was in the single worst seat to see the screen. I was at the end, the seat closet to screen which unfortunately was only about 2 feet away from it. I did not want to turn my chair to directly face the screen so as to turn my back on everyone else; I was forced to constantly turn my head between the screen and the orientation binder they gave me. It must of looked like I was shaking my head over and over again live a bratty 7 year old who refuses to eat brussel sprouts. (Still a 'yuck' for this dapper dude).

After 20 minutes my mind began to wander. Luckily for me my seat was facing the window and the rest of downtown San Francisco. Like anyone else would do, I began imaging myself as Spider-Man. Going from building to building using my web. Getting that adrenaline rush. (Hoping that although there is no visible nose or mouth slits in my suit I would still maintain consciousness) Feeling the breeze of the wind as that read and blue outfit ride up my crotch like that horrible pair of underwear you refuse to throw away and use in emergency cases only. But I was brought back by the conclusion of the presentation and beginning of filling out tax papers.

I'll be honest, I didn't know what the hell I was doing when it came to these papers. I periodically tried to steal looks at the other interns paper's only to have re-adjust my watch or do an uncomfortable neck stretch. I finally just turned it in thinking I was alright. (I would later have to ask for another W-4 the following day after my dear mother chewed me out)

The rest of the day was highlighted by enjoying my lunch break in the beautiful San Francisco outdoors with a couple slices of pizza while people watching. Oh, and the new hire Asian guy who couldn't stop telling jokes during the building and security tour.

I don't fault the guy at all for trying to be funny. Hell, you know I'm all about that. No, the best part about it was that he was making jokes about first aid kits and proper earthquake drills. Not to mention he spoke so soft that he had to, on every occasion but one, repeat the joke. Luckily for me I was standing behind this guy throughout the whole tour and was able to successfully cover up my smile or laughter while scratching every part of my face.

The rest of the day carried on like a traditional first: meet and greets of new people, anxious looks around you for fear of looking stupid(er) or caught not doing something, and the constant glance at the clock.

As 5:30 rolled around I gathered all my binders and packets so I could look them over before bed (uh-huh, sure) and took the BART home.

BOOK IT LADIES & GENTLEMAN! My first day on the Job.

I am officially no longer a Gangster.

I am now a Corporate Gangster.

(Oh stop. You're making me blush)