Yes indeed. I'm back with the internet and it feels fine. I won't beat around the bush so let's do this.
Over the last 6 days I traveled from Roma to Sienna to Pisa. I will get to all the details shortly but for now, you need to know what I dealt with.
Going into Roma, we had hostel reservations. We booked it two days before arrival and we were very lucky. Most of the hostels had no availability and if they did, they were quite expensive. This one was 17.50 Euro per night and was listed as a 51% approval rating from previous guests. We had no other choice but to book it. However, I would have prefered to sleep in the train station.
Upon arrival, we were asked to pay for the whole sum. The information/check in desk was located on the first floor. So we paid the man and proceeded to walk up 5 flights of stairs to our room. Why walk you might ask. Sure we were tired from taking a 5 hour train ride (which, mind you, was delayed by two and a half hours) but there was no other option. The elevator was broken and even if it wasn't, I still wouldn't have taken it. It no joke looked like the first elevator ever made.
It was out in the open in the sense that when you began going up or down you could see everything around you. It was like an elevator that is used to transport mining materials. Plus, it was beginign to rust and was covered in cobwebs.
When we found our room we were greeted by 4 Irishmen. Well, 3 women and 1 man. All were of the college age. We all went out for pizza and 5 minutes into the conversation I learned that 3 out of 4 were currently sick. Oh gosh. I was going to be sharing a grimey room with the sick people with nowhere to go and no circulating air? Get me out of here.
I noticed that there was only one power outlet and it was literally hanging by a cord. It was 95% out of the wall and was problem a hazzard to anyone who even looked at it.
When we all decided to go to sleep I knew I was entering a world of problems. First off, the sickest of the Irish girls was coughing and sneezing so much she might as well contracted that virus that Outbreak monkey had. I mean shit. Then, ontop of that, the room was no cooler than 91 degrees. No lie.
It was so hot in my room I got off my mattress and put my sleep sack on the floor to sleep. Of course I was not able to sleep because of a) this sick Irish woman, b) the heat and c) because the floor was so uncomfortable. I weighed my options of being uncomfortbale and slightly cooler or being slightly more comfortbale and hot. I chose the former.
And, on top of all that, the toilet at the end of the hall was apparently put on 'shuffle' or 'repeat' mode and was flushing on its own every 30 seconds. I do not know wheter this was done on purpose or not but either way it was horrible. I could hear it very clearly from my spot on the floor as we had kept the door open to try to catch a breeze.
When I awoke the next morning (after getting maybe 2 hours total of sleep) I wanted to leave immediately. Everything began to make me feel dirty. I tried to take a shower without touching anything. I used my pinky and thumb to turn the nozzles and tried to get as little water on my toothbrush while brushing my teeth. I know you feel me on this. Its like when there is no hot water but you have to take a shower. You just dance around as quickly and efficiently as possible and try to justify your current lack of hygine. Don't get it twisted, I bathed and brushed, but I did it with a grimace on my face and as much caution as possible.
I have two bits of advice for you and it is as follows:
-do not stay in the hostel called castel del monte. Take the approval rating into consideration. Plan ahead. Do not believe the pictures on their websites are accurate. Photographers can be like magicians. Just like the one girl who takes amazing pictures but you see here in person and its 'DAMNNNNNN!'
-Avoid sick Irish people
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Identify Yourself
Please, when writing a comment to me, state who you are. Most of the comments I recieve say 'anonymous' so I have no idea who you be. I love reading the comments and if I know who is writing them, I can write back to you.
I believe if you have a gmail account it shows up when you write one.
I believe if you have a gmail account it shows up when you write one.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Windin' Down
Only two more days for me down here in the South of Italy. I have my final exam tomorrow and then on Thursday, me and my boy Jake are departing for Roma.
I'll be a little sad to leave because this has been like vacation. Class consisted of playing taboo in Italian to talking about pizza and movies. The rest of the time, as I have mentioned before, varied from beaches to hiking, to gelato and napping.
I am real excited to be going to Roma and have numerous things I want to do. My teacher here is from there and she compiled a list of great things to do. I really want to try and get to a soccer game but it is the first home game of the season for A.S. Roma so we shall see about that. Of course I'll be checking out The Vatican, Sistine Chapel, Trevi Fountain, The Coliseum to name a few.
I have been itching for a hamburger or some other typical American food. Some bacon, pancakes, etc. Italians put little to no emphasis on breakfast. The typical food of the South is light: pasta with clams, salad, and vegetables. All this has been tasty, don't get me wrong, but hot damn, your boy has been itching for some good ol fashion red meat. However, I been eating pizza alot and will continue to do so.
I have bought my train ticket to get to Roma but as far as a hostel or sleeping accomodations, still working on it. Yes, I am indeed cutting it close but what are ya gonna do? Its not like I haven't been trying. Space is limited in Roma in August and I only have internet access for 2 hours a day.
The second fan in my bedroom broke last night so I am worried about napping and sleeping for these final two days. Fortuanetly, everyone here is sweating all the time so I don't have to be too concerned when I emerge for group dinners or activities with my face glistening like a Thanksgiving turkey.
Ahhh, turkey. Damn, I would love some dark meat right now, mashed potatoes, and gravy...
Excuse me, lunch time.
I'll be a little sad to leave because this has been like vacation. Class consisted of playing taboo in Italian to talking about pizza and movies. The rest of the time, as I have mentioned before, varied from beaches to hiking, to gelato and napping.
I am real excited to be going to Roma and have numerous things I want to do. My teacher here is from there and she compiled a list of great things to do. I really want to try and get to a soccer game but it is the first home game of the season for A.S. Roma so we shall see about that. Of course I'll be checking out The Vatican, Sistine Chapel, Trevi Fountain, The Coliseum to name a few.
I have been itching for a hamburger or some other typical American food. Some bacon, pancakes, etc. Italians put little to no emphasis on breakfast. The typical food of the South is light: pasta with clams, salad, and vegetables. All this has been tasty, don't get me wrong, but hot damn, your boy has been itching for some good ol fashion red meat. However, I been eating pizza alot and will continue to do so.
I have bought my train ticket to get to Roma but as far as a hostel or sleeping accomodations, still working on it. Yes, I am indeed cutting it close but what are ya gonna do? Its not like I haven't been trying. Space is limited in Roma in August and I only have internet access for 2 hours a day.
The second fan in my bedroom broke last night so I am worried about napping and sleeping for these final two days. Fortuanetly, everyone here is sweating all the time so I don't have to be too concerned when I emerge for group dinners or activities with my face glistening like a Thanksgiving turkey.
Ahhh, turkey. Damn, I would love some dark meat right now, mashed potatoes, and gravy...
Excuse me, lunch time.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Friday the 17th
Last Friday, we all went to the beach. This beach was a little different than normal in that there was water, but no sand. It was basically a whole bunch of cliffs with sharp and uneven rocks to go with it.
The water was just fantastic. Had that blue and green tint and I was even treated to my first European bathing suite performance by two Italian women laying on floaters.
Upon my second round of water time I encountered a little problem. As I reached to propel myself out of the water I placed my hand on what I thought was another rock. How wrong I was. It turns out that it was an Italian sea urchin that has thorns/spikes comparable to that of a porcupine.
Oh, the pain
I emerged from the water with about 20 pieces of stingers in my ring and pinky fingers. I have, however, since recovered thanks to Sarah and her expert skills with tweezers and a sewing needle.
It gets better.
When it was time to get back on the bus the group split into two; the first going to get espressos and the second to spend more time in the water,
My group made a worng turn and we ended up way the hell in the wrong direction. It took us an additional 30 minutes to get to our bus and lets just say, nobody was thrilled.
There's more.
As we were 30 minutes late to get the bus, we were 30 minutes late coming back. I wanted to go to the supermarket and buy some um beverages for a little party that night. My boy Luca was leaving the next day and so were those girls from Serbia. But, of course, we got back at 8 instead of 730 and I couldn't buy anything for anyone. (Supermarket closes at 8 here)
Hold on.
Fortunately, the Serbian girls decided to get some snacks and such for everyone and we all kicked it outside. I learned some curse words in Serbian and put that King family charm on them.
As I was sitting there, two grils from my group came back from dinner and drinks early. One went inside, the other came over to talk to me. She informed me that the other girl just had an allergic reaction and the Epipen was needed. The girl who had the reaction had some choclate gelato and the container was either too close too pistacchio or the same spoon was used. Either way---no good.
The girl is all good now but a scary moment indeed.
As the outdoor party (no music, just sitting at a table shootin the shit) died down, I knew my oppourtunity was here to make a move. They began to throw away the plastic cups and gather themselves for bed and I asked:
"so what are yall gonna do now?"
"Pack" They responded
"Um. Uhh- Ok. Ciao"
I froze. Plain and simple. I was overwhelmed. Outmatched. I was dealing with foreigners here. I was out of my element. I wasn't used to this.
I tell you what though. You give me a second round with those damsels from Serbia or any other ladies from the former Soviet Union and just like Michael Jordan in the closing seconds of a game, its a guaranteed victory.
The water was just fantastic. Had that blue and green tint and I was even treated to my first European bathing suite performance by two Italian women laying on floaters.
Upon my second round of water time I encountered a little problem. As I reached to propel myself out of the water I placed my hand on what I thought was another rock. How wrong I was. It turns out that it was an Italian sea urchin that has thorns/spikes comparable to that of a porcupine.
Oh, the pain
I emerged from the water with about 20 pieces of stingers in my ring and pinky fingers. I have, however, since recovered thanks to Sarah and her expert skills with tweezers and a sewing needle.
It gets better.
When it was time to get back on the bus the group split into two; the first going to get espressos and the second to spend more time in the water,
My group made a worng turn and we ended up way the hell in the wrong direction. It took us an additional 30 minutes to get to our bus and lets just say, nobody was thrilled.
There's more.
As we were 30 minutes late to get the bus, we were 30 minutes late coming back. I wanted to go to the supermarket and buy some um beverages for a little party that night. My boy Luca was leaving the next day and so were those girls from Serbia. But, of course, we got back at 8 instead of 730 and I couldn't buy anything for anyone. (Supermarket closes at 8 here)
Hold on.
Fortunately, the Serbian girls decided to get some snacks and such for everyone and we all kicked it outside. I learned some curse words in Serbian and put that King family charm on them.
As I was sitting there, two grils from my group came back from dinner and drinks early. One went inside, the other came over to talk to me. She informed me that the other girl just had an allergic reaction and the Epipen was needed. The girl who had the reaction had some choclate gelato and the container was either too close too pistacchio or the same spoon was used. Either way---no good.
The girl is all good now but a scary moment indeed.
As the outdoor party (no music, just sitting at a table shootin the shit) died down, I knew my oppourtunity was here to make a move. They began to throw away the plastic cups and gather themselves for bed and I asked:
"so what are yall gonna do now?"
"Pack" They responded
"Um. Uhh- Ok. Ciao"
I froze. Plain and simple. I was overwhelmed. Outmatched. I was dealing with foreigners here. I was out of my element. I wasn't used to this.
I tell you what though. You give me a second round with those damsels from Serbia or any other ladies from the former Soviet Union and just like Michael Jordan in the closing seconds of a game, its a guaranteed victory.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
A Fine Dining Experience
Last night, for the first (and likely last) time of the trip, everyone in the program was taken out to dinner by the directors. This date had been marked on my calendar for quite some time because I knew it was going to be nice. And boy, was I right.
Everyone got dressed up to go out (we still paled in comparison to the Italians) and everyone was excited.
There was a long walkway to enter the restaraunt with paintings on either side and two giant scultpures of lions to greet those dining. Given the summer time and the heat, all of the tables were outside and the setting could not have been more lovely.
The entertainment for the evening was middle aged man who was dressed head to toe in white. I especially took notice to his Panama style hat that was white witht the exception of a black ribbon. Each server was wearing a bow tie and the lighting on the tables and the nearby tress was well executed.
There was a pre-determined menu so everything was going to be a surprise. If you are not too familiar with the Italian lifestyle there are many courses and it is always tasty.
For the anitpasti we had six dishes total: prosciutto, prosciutto with vegetables, cuscos, zucchini with muscles, fried tofu & cheese, and beats. I had every single type on my plate and I ate every single one.
Next, we had risotto with lemon al dente. I am usually not that big of a fan of the al dente but I did think this was tasty. Again, I ate it all.
For the secondi, we had pasta with muscles and shirmp. This was delicous. Everything was extremely fresh and cooked perfectly. And yes, I ate it all.
My apologies, I forgot to mention that we had the option of red, white, or rosse wine. And as much of it as we wanted. (Although this was ideal, I must admit that girl seated to my immediate left could have benefited from a fixed amount. However, we were able to get a video of her singing along to a Christina Agueilara song using a bottle of Pellegrino as a microphone)
Onto dessert. We began dessert with a tasty little lemon sorbet. This was followed by three little sweets. They were as follows: croissants with choclate inside, a muffin with rasberry filling, and shortbread cookies with choclate.
Lots of pictures were taken as well as requests for more wine. From the food to the music to the layout of the restaraunt itself, the ambiance was amazing.
After dinner, I went out with my teaching assistant from Wesleyan as well as my current Italian teacher here in Lecce. We shared what is called a "Maxi Mojito" and talked about everything from The Simpsons to Italian men and women to the best pizza in Italy.
All in all, I'd say it was an enjoyable night. What do you think?
Everyone got dressed up to go out (we still paled in comparison to the Italians) and everyone was excited.
There was a long walkway to enter the restaraunt with paintings on either side and two giant scultpures of lions to greet those dining. Given the summer time and the heat, all of the tables were outside and the setting could not have been more lovely.
The entertainment for the evening was middle aged man who was dressed head to toe in white. I especially took notice to his Panama style hat that was white witht the exception of a black ribbon. Each server was wearing a bow tie and the lighting on the tables and the nearby tress was well executed.
There was a pre-determined menu so everything was going to be a surprise. If you are not too familiar with the Italian lifestyle there are many courses and it is always tasty.
For the anitpasti we had six dishes total: prosciutto, prosciutto with vegetables, cuscos, zucchini with muscles, fried tofu & cheese, and beats. I had every single type on my plate and I ate every single one.
Next, we had risotto with lemon al dente. I am usually not that big of a fan of the al dente but I did think this was tasty. Again, I ate it all.
For the secondi, we had pasta with muscles and shirmp. This was delicous. Everything was extremely fresh and cooked perfectly. And yes, I ate it all.
My apologies, I forgot to mention that we had the option of red, white, or rosse wine. And as much of it as we wanted. (Although this was ideal, I must admit that girl seated to my immediate left could have benefited from a fixed amount. However, we were able to get a video of her singing along to a Christina Agueilara song using a bottle of Pellegrino as a microphone)
Onto dessert. We began dessert with a tasty little lemon sorbet. This was followed by three little sweets. They were as follows: croissants with choclate inside, a muffin with rasberry filling, and shortbread cookies with choclate.
Lots of pictures were taken as well as requests for more wine. From the food to the music to the layout of the restaraunt itself, the ambiance was amazing.
After dinner, I went out with my teaching assistant from Wesleyan as well as my current Italian teacher here in Lecce. We shared what is called a "Maxi Mojito" and talked about everything from The Simpsons to Italian men and women to the best pizza in Italy.
All in all, I'd say it was an enjoyable night. What do you think?
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack!
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What's happening. Your boy is officially in Italy and it is superb. It took a while for me to get adjusted with the time change and all the distance traveled but i'm good to go.
My days here have been sweet to say the least. Everyone in the program is real cool and as of now, there is only one other guy.And 15 girls. There is also some fly girls studying at our school from Serbia and Madrid so you know I'm testing out my Spanish and Russian.
I can't put it all in text but a typical day for me is as follows:
8:45 Wake up
9-10:30 Class
10:45-12:15 Class
12:30-1:30 Lunch
1:30-2 Nap and hang out
2-6:30 Beach
7-8 Hang out
8-9:30 Dinner
10-2 Rum & Coke
Now, this lifestyle won't exactly continue when I go to Bologna. This 3 week program is real casual and we only take one class. I imagine I will still get down with the get down when I'm in Bologna but there will be less trips to the beach and more classes. But for now I'll just stay charming the socks off those around me.
The hikes and beaches I have gone on have been great. The water is very clear and has that blue and green tint. This girl in my program brought googles and I have been having a field day with them.
We have gone to some small towns and I have been taking lots of pictures. It is real hot down here so I have been going through under shirts and boxer briefs like that one member of your family goes through plates at Hometown Buffet.
Two nights ago I went into town for some wine tasting. For 10 Euro (about $12-$13) You got a wine glass and you got to walk around and try whatever kind of wine you wanted. There was red and white at every table and about 25 tables. Need I say more?
I must say that last night might have been one of, if not the best night so far. It was karoke night. I initally wasn't excited for it but once I got outside and saw the setup, I was ready to rock. I knew what song I wanted and sure enough, they had it.
Michael Jackson-Bille Jean.
Better believe it. Could you think of a better song for me to do? I mean honestly. I was absolutely going nuts with it and I must say I put on quite a show. I have some pictures so expect to see them sometime.
I have been eating some great food so far. Croissants with nutella in the middle, great pizza, lovely wine. And its only going to get better.
I must depart for now and try to figure out how I can get out paying the 50 Euro I owe for the weekend trips.
Oh, by the way, eat your heart out
What's happening. Your boy is officially in Italy and it is superb. It took a while for me to get adjusted with the time change and all the distance traveled but i'm good to go.
My days here have been sweet to say the least. Everyone in the program is real cool and as of now, there is only one other guy.And 15 girls. There is also some fly girls studying at our school from Serbia and Madrid so you know I'm testing out my Spanish and Russian.
I can't put it all in text but a typical day for me is as follows:
8:45 Wake up
9-10:30 Class
10:45-12:15 Class
12:30-1:30 Lunch
1:30-2 Nap and hang out
2-6:30 Beach
7-8 Hang out
8-9:30 Dinner
10-2 Rum & Coke
Now, this lifestyle won't exactly continue when I go to Bologna. This 3 week program is real casual and we only take one class. I imagine I will still get down with the get down when I'm in Bologna but there will be less trips to the beach and more classes. But for now I'll just stay charming the socks off those around me.
The hikes and beaches I have gone on have been great. The water is very clear and has that blue and green tint. This girl in my program brought googles and I have been having a field day with them.
We have gone to some small towns and I have been taking lots of pictures. It is real hot down here so I have been going through under shirts and boxer briefs like that one member of your family goes through plates at Hometown Buffet.
Two nights ago I went into town for some wine tasting. For 10 Euro (about $12-$13) You got a wine glass and you got to walk around and try whatever kind of wine you wanted. There was red and white at every table and about 25 tables. Need I say more?
I must say that last night might have been one of, if not the best night so far. It was karoke night. I initally wasn't excited for it but once I got outside and saw the setup, I was ready to rock. I knew what song I wanted and sure enough, they had it.
Michael Jackson-Bille Jean.
Better believe it. Could you think of a better song for me to do? I mean honestly. I was absolutely going nuts with it and I must say I put on quite a show. I have some pictures so expect to see them sometime.
I have been eating some great food so far. Croissants with nutella in the middle, great pizza, lovely wine. And its only going to get better.
I must depart for now and try to figure out how I can get out paying the 50 Euro I owe for the weekend trips.
Oh, by the way, eat your heart out
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
It's been a while since your boy was on the keyboard but now he's back in action. Firstly, my apologies to my avid readers. So, sorry to my lovely motha and my boy Twill Burger. All that aside, let's get down to business...
I wouldn't say this thought just occurred to me but I will say that I have had to think about it a little more as of late.
Have you ever met somebody and upon first glance, you are hooked? You just know you are going to feel this person. Yeah, they look real good, got that cute little smile, and that just "oh boy!". If you have the privilege of meeting this person, you go through your standard Q&A.
Where ya from?
Where do/did you go to school?
Hobbies, Interests, Siblings, Pets, etc. etc.
Now this is all fine and gravy but in my opinion, one key element is missing: RELATIONSHIP STATUS
I don't know if you have been in this position before but it is a serious blow when you find out weeks later that your crush is currently occupied. All this time you had no idea. You have been conducting business under the impression there was a 'Inquire Within' sign; not a 'Sorry, Closed' one. You have put in some serious flirting and chivalry only to find out that some other person is where you want to be.
Now, it isn't that bad if the flirting and chivalrous ways come natural. Hopefully, if you played your cards right, you haven't done anything to drastic, obvious, or over the top that would result in some long term damage. But, it is tough when you have been under the impression that your potential honey is free only to have your heart (temporarily) broken.
As a result, I put this declaration onto you, my dear reader:
From this point forth, both males and females of the dating age (consult your State Laws and/or parents for precision) shall state their current relationship status within the first 7 minutes of conversation with a person(s) they have just met.
This way, people know right off the bat what the deal is. They can alter their approach or change tactics if need be.
Now, you just don't want to throw it out there: "Hi, I'm Roxanne, I have a boyfriend and I love Thai Food" Woah woah woah, slow your role their Rox! Ease it into the convo. If sports comes up and your significant other plays/played, drop it then. If the person you just met is from the East Coast and your partner went to school out that way, there you go.
Now, for some, knowing you are in a relationship won't stop them at all. Hell, it might even make them pursue you harder. However, it is a good thing to establish so others don't have to deal with the pain that comes with learning it a little ways down the road. Knowing this might not make you like your crush less but it will take care of the feeling when your hopes, after being built up on numerous occasions , come crashing down.
I am NOT speaking from experience. Trust me.
I wouldn't say this thought just occurred to me but I will say that I have had to think about it a little more as of late.
Have you ever met somebody and upon first glance, you are hooked? You just know you are going to feel this person. Yeah, they look real good, got that cute little smile, and that just "oh boy!". If you have the privilege of meeting this person, you go through your standard Q&A.
Where ya from?
Where do/did you go to school?
Hobbies, Interests, Siblings, Pets, etc. etc.
Now this is all fine and gravy but in my opinion, one key element is missing: RELATIONSHIP STATUS
I don't know if you have been in this position before but it is a serious blow when you find out weeks later that your crush is currently occupied. All this time you had no idea. You have been conducting business under the impression there was a 'Inquire Within' sign; not a 'Sorry, Closed' one. You have put in some serious flirting and chivalry only to find out that some other person is where you want to be.
Now, it isn't that bad if the flirting and chivalrous ways come natural. Hopefully, if you played your cards right, you haven't done anything to drastic, obvious, or over the top that would result in some long term damage. But, it is tough when you have been under the impression that your potential honey is free only to have your heart (temporarily) broken.
As a result, I put this declaration onto you, my dear reader:
Spectacular Decree Number 1
From this point forth, both males and females of the dating age (consult your State Laws and/or parents for precision) shall state their current relationship status within the first 7 minutes of conversation with a person(s) they have just met.
This way, people know right off the bat what the deal is. They can alter their approach or change tactics if need be.
Now, you just don't want to throw it out there: "Hi, I'm Roxanne, I have a boyfriend and I love Thai Food" Woah woah woah, slow your role their Rox! Ease it into the convo. If sports comes up and your significant other plays/played, drop it then. If the person you just met is from the East Coast and your partner went to school out that way, there you go.
Now, for some, knowing you are in a relationship won't stop them at all. Hell, it might even make them pursue you harder. However, it is a good thing to establish so others don't have to deal with the pain that comes with learning it a little ways down the road. Knowing this might not make you like your crush less but it will take care of the feeling when your hopes, after being built up on numerous occasions , come crashing down.
I am NOT speaking from experience. Trust me.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Indirect Entertainment
If there was anyway to get straight from the office to my house, someone please let me know. Even if something is in the works, hasn't passed FDA, FCC, Homeland Security, or whatever the hell, I am willing to try it. Until that day, I am forced to join the masses and ride BART.
Fortunately, there are always a cast of characters or at least some noteworthy folk around me. Today was particularly sweet; there were three people that really caught my eye.
First, in the morning, I noticed a woman decided to take a seat on the floor. Sure it is carpeted, sure all the seats were taken, but who really sits down on the train? I soon found out she did this because she had to put on her makeup. Holy sh*t...
I didn't want to stare but I felt like I was in the presence of a master. This woman was pulling out things from her purse that finally made me understand what females carry around in there. No lie, this woman looked like she was getting ready to create a watercolor painting. The way she was setting everything up in front of her and all her colors made me feel like I was back in 3rd grade art class
Not only was I baffled by the human mural that was on display, but I was really thrown for a loop when she brought out the tools for her eye lashes. At this point things were getting dangerous. I felt at any given moment this BART train would rattle too much and this woman would end up poking herself in the eye with an apparatus that surely would be banned on most commercial flights. Women, I just don't know how you do it.
Fast forward to the BART ride home and I am easily recounting one of the top 5 moments of the summer.
As my eyes are half open and my body weirdly tired from sitting down at my desk all day, I look up to scan the train. Almost at the opposite end from where I am standing I see something that I will never forget: a teenager absolutely going crazy listening to his Ipod.
This kid was just losing his mind. He looked like he was auditioning for one of the actual Ipod commercials when there are black figures going ape shit while listening to their Ipods and having loud colors in the background.From where I was standing it looked like he was going into cardiac arrest. I almost yelled for a doctor when I first saw him but, luckily for everyone, I refrained. Although I was highly entertained by watching this guy, the gentleman next to him might have stolen the show.
As this young man was going bananas, the guy next to him DID NOT MOVE A MUSCLE. I mean seriously. This guy only moved his eyeballs left and right. Even when the train came to an abrupt halt this guy was stapled to the ground. It seemed like this guy didn't want to ask Mr. Ipod to calm down or turn down the music nor did he want to relocate.
It looked like I was watching Jurassic Park all over again. Remember when the brother and sister are in the jeep after the power went out? The T-Rex comes by and they try to not make a sound...They are just statues with their eyes being the only thing that moves.
JUST like that.
Bloody brilliant.
Fortunately, there are always a cast of characters or at least some noteworthy folk around me. Today was particularly sweet; there were three people that really caught my eye.
First, in the morning, I noticed a woman decided to take a seat on the floor. Sure it is carpeted, sure all the seats were taken, but who really sits down on the train? I soon found out she did this because she had to put on her makeup. Holy sh*t...
I didn't want to stare but I felt like I was in the presence of a master. This woman was pulling out things from her purse that finally made me understand what females carry around in there. No lie, this woman looked like she was getting ready to create a watercolor painting. The way she was setting everything up in front of her and all her colors made me feel like I was back in 3rd grade art class
Not only was I baffled by the human mural that was on display, but I was really thrown for a loop when she brought out the tools for her eye lashes. At this point things were getting dangerous. I felt at any given moment this BART train would rattle too much and this woman would end up poking herself in the eye with an apparatus that surely would be banned on most commercial flights. Women, I just don't know how you do it.
Fast forward to the BART ride home and I am easily recounting one of the top 5 moments of the summer.
As my eyes are half open and my body weirdly tired from sitting down at my desk all day, I look up to scan the train. Almost at the opposite end from where I am standing I see something that I will never forget: a teenager absolutely going crazy listening to his Ipod.
This kid was just losing his mind. He looked like he was auditioning for one of the actual Ipod commercials when there are black figures going ape shit while listening to their Ipods and having loud colors in the background.From where I was standing it looked like he was going into cardiac arrest. I almost yelled for a doctor when I first saw him but, luckily for everyone, I refrained. Although I was highly entertained by watching this guy, the gentleman next to him might have stolen the show.
As this young man was going bananas, the guy next to him DID NOT MOVE A MUSCLE. I mean seriously. This guy only moved his eyeballs left and right. Even when the train came to an abrupt halt this guy was stapled to the ground. It seemed like this guy didn't want to ask Mr. Ipod to calm down or turn down the music nor did he want to relocate.
It looked like I was watching Jurassic Park all over again. Remember when the brother and sister are in the jeep after the power went out? The T-Rex comes by and they try to not make a sound...They are just statues with their eyes being the only thing that moves.
JUST like that.
Bloody brilliant.
Friday, July 13, 2007
The Bare Necessities
Working a 9 to 5 is no joke. I have been able to do very little after coming home because of how tired I am. Even if I am not that tired, knowing that I have to wake up at a certain time the next day really hurts the team.
I have been meaning to write an entry on what I consider The Bare Necessities. I have always had what I call "emergency items" in my backpack or gym bag but its a whole new ball game at the office. Some items are brand new, some are not. Either way, this is what all guys need to have handy. There are 5 things a working gentleman should forever keep in mind. Lets take it from the top, shall we?
1. Deodorant- This might be the most important thing on the list and that's why it is numero uno. Always carry a spare deodorant with you. Everyone sweats. It can get real bad when an exam is coming up, or you got problems with your spouse, or you just stank that day. I would personally go for the stick kind but if you are a spray on guy, go for it. Plus, if you get asked out by a girl or your buddies to go out for a drink or dinner, and don't have time to change, it can come in real handy.
2. Medicine- Now, this section might be a little different for me than it is for you. Okay, so I have asthma. Okay, I have allergies. Okay, I get migraines. Other than that I'm just your average Joe. But seriously, you don't want to be coughing and sneezing at the workplace and receive all those nasty looks from others. Ya know that look. The look like "I can't believe this fool is sick. I just KNOW he is going to get me sick. For peete's sake, get a goddamn tissue!" I mean asthma and allergies are usually associated with nerds right? You don't want to seem like you don't have you sh*t together and be sneezing and coughing all over the copy machine.You think James Dean was allergic to dust or had to walk around with an inhaler in his pocket? Gotta have some ibuprofen or Advil handy, too. Headaches are real common nowadays. Plus, if your cute co-worker ever is sneezing or has a headache, you can come to the rescue. BOOYAH!
3. Breath Goods- Essential. Keep a pack of gum, tic tacs, or altoids on you or at your work station. Personally, I go for the altoids. I keep them in my messenger bag and that way they are always with me. Whether I'm at my computer, on BART or wherever. I think if you are chewing gum you come up as a little rude or immature. You don't want to be smacking away as your boss or a P.Y.T. comes up to you. Let's be honest, tic tacs only sound good. They don't really last and they epitomize 8th graders who think they are too cool for school. (Glory days by the way). If you want to get really Spectacular with it, keep a travel size toothbrush and toothpaste with you. That trumps the other 3 by far. And your co-workers will be impressed when they see you coming out of the bathroom with it. "That guy means business."
4. Money- We are very credit card oriented these days and that is fine. Minimizes the wallet bulk (unless you are a rookie), puts the joke on the person who preforms the mugging and not the other way around, and just makes things easier when you just throw the plastic down and don't have to sit there counting the Washington's one by one. However, I will say that a true gentleman should have at least $50 handy. Sure, you can always "stop at the bank en route" but it looks better just pick up and go. You can go get drinks after work and don't have to worry about putting the tab on multiple cards. It'll be enough to cover yourself and likely enough to treat someone else to a few cosmo's as well.
5. The Backups- Of course it is ideal to have a whole outfit that you can keep at the office. If you have showers and lockers at your workplace-perfect But, for most of us, that is not the case. So, it comes down to 2 main things: an extra dress shirt and an extra pair of socks. If someone invites you out after work or you are going to meet up with your crush from college or high school, you want to be looking a little fresh. (Both in the street sense and the new, ripe sense) You don't want to roc the shirt you sweated through all day. And who knows, you might have spilled some cappuccino or red bull on it. As far as the socks, those guys are going to be stanky and a little damp. It always feels good to put on new, clean socks and this time it won't be any different. You don't want any stench to be seeping up from under the table or anything. If you can, a fresh pair of underwear and an undershirt would be great, too. But, don't get too greedy.
There you have it, ladies and gentleman. What one, especially a man, needs at the workplace. It may sound like a lot but it really isn't. Most of the the above can be stored at your work station and take up little to no room. I also suggest you carry a messenger bag or briefcase. Leave the backpack to the high schoolers. Show that you are now a professional and have graduated from the ol' b-packs. Plus, how can you be looking suave and charming with a backpack on? I mean honestly.
Take my advice. Follow the Spectacular 5 Step Plan. It'll change everything.
Trust me
I have been meaning to write an entry on what I consider The Bare Necessities. I have always had what I call "emergency items" in my backpack or gym bag but its a whole new ball game at the office. Some items are brand new, some are not. Either way, this is what all guys need to have handy. There are 5 things a working gentleman should forever keep in mind. Lets take it from the top, shall we?
1. Deodorant- This might be the most important thing on the list and that's why it is numero uno. Always carry a spare deodorant with you. Everyone sweats. It can get real bad when an exam is coming up, or you got problems with your spouse, or you just stank that day. I would personally go for the stick kind but if you are a spray on guy, go for it. Plus, if you get asked out by a girl or your buddies to go out for a drink or dinner, and don't have time to change, it can come in real handy.
2. Medicine- Now, this section might be a little different for me than it is for you. Okay, so I have asthma. Okay, I have allergies. Okay, I get migraines. Other than that I'm just your average Joe. But seriously, you don't want to be coughing and sneezing at the workplace and receive all those nasty looks from others. Ya know that look. The look like "I can't believe this fool is sick. I just KNOW he is going to get me sick. For peete's sake, get a goddamn tissue!" I mean asthma and allergies are usually associated with nerds right? You don't want to seem like you don't have you sh*t together and be sneezing and coughing all over the copy machine.You think James Dean was allergic to dust or had to walk around with an inhaler in his pocket? Gotta have some ibuprofen or Advil handy, too. Headaches are real common nowadays. Plus, if your cute co-worker ever is sneezing or has a headache, you can come to the rescue. BOOYAH!
3. Breath Goods- Essential. Keep a pack of gum, tic tacs, or altoids on you or at your work station. Personally, I go for the altoids. I keep them in my messenger bag and that way they are always with me. Whether I'm at my computer, on BART or wherever. I think if you are chewing gum you come up as a little rude or immature. You don't want to be smacking away as your boss or a P.Y.T. comes up to you. Let's be honest, tic tacs only sound good. They don't really last and they epitomize 8th graders who think they are too cool for school. (Glory days by the way). If you want to get really Spectacular with it, keep a travel size toothbrush and toothpaste with you. That trumps the other 3 by far. And your co-workers will be impressed when they see you coming out of the bathroom with it. "That guy means business."
4. Money- We are very credit card oriented these days and that is fine. Minimizes the wallet bulk (unless you are a rookie), puts the joke on the person who preforms the mugging and not the other way around, and just makes things easier when you just throw the plastic down and don't have to sit there counting the Washington's one by one. However, I will say that a true gentleman should have at least $50 handy. Sure, you can always "stop at the bank en route" but it looks better just pick up and go. You can go get drinks after work and don't have to worry about putting the tab on multiple cards. It'll be enough to cover yourself and likely enough to treat someone else to a few cosmo's as well.
5. The Backups- Of course it is ideal to have a whole outfit that you can keep at the office. If you have showers and lockers at your workplace-perfect But, for most of us, that is not the case. So, it comes down to 2 main things: an extra dress shirt and an extra pair of socks. If someone invites you out after work or you are going to meet up with your crush from college or high school, you want to be looking a little fresh. (Both in the street sense and the new, ripe sense) You don't want to roc the shirt you sweated through all day. And who knows, you might have spilled some cappuccino or red bull on it. As far as the socks, those guys are going to be stanky and a little damp. It always feels good to put on new, clean socks and this time it won't be any different. You don't want any stench to be seeping up from under the table or anything. If you can, a fresh pair of underwear and an undershirt would be great, too. But, don't get too greedy.
There you have it, ladies and gentleman. What one, especially a man, needs at the workplace. It may sound like a lot but it really isn't. Most of the the above can be stored at your work station and take up little to no room. I also suggest you carry a messenger bag or briefcase. Leave the backpack to the high schoolers. Show that you are now a professional and have graduated from the ol' b-packs. Plus, how can you be looking suave and charming with a backpack on? I mean honestly.
Take my advice. Follow the Spectacular 5 Step Plan. It'll change everything.
Trust me
Sunday, July 1, 2007
I'm Bringing Chest Hair Back
(The following article centers around chest hair ONLY. I will not discuss things south of the border but I will say that both males and females should take care of themselves and leave the Amazon to South America)
Now that summer is officially here, and our Independence Day is right around the corner, it is time to address an issue that has been associated with men for quite some time now: the hairy chest.
According to Darwin and evolution, we use to be a lot hairier than we are today. And that goes for females as well. So one can say that we have lost a lot of hair over the years and are a far cry from our original selves. On the other hand, if you think Darwin didn't know what the hell he was talking about, we are significantly hairier than our first go around with Adam & Eve. Of course I was not present at the Garden of Eden, but I can confidently say that based on textual information and drawings, their bodies were completely hairless with the exception of head hair.
But forget the past, let's focus on the present. In today's world, especially in the States, smooth and hairless is in. This is on display mostly in the advertising and marketing field. While shopping for boxer briefs just the other day I noticed that not only did all the male models have little to no chest hair, but there legs appeared to be bare as well. When male celebrities appear on covers of magazines shirtless, such as the no talent ass clown Matthew McConaughey or Justin Timberlake, they, too, have little to no chest hair. Are they naturally like this or do they shave/wax it? I don't know that answer but I do know this: chest hair is great, and I'm bringing it back.
Before I continue, and before all the women out there scrunch their faces and say "Eww", I am a proud owner of chest hair. I am no grizzly bear by any standards but I do enjoy the Norwegian carpet located on my front side. I'll even admit that I have shaved my chest twice in my life. I had to do it. I was in the 10th grade and I knew I was the only one of my friends who had chest hair. I was fine with it myself, but I thought the girls might not like it and by comparison, I would be not as desired.
Now, I am a 20 year old male and I have been known to go swimming or play some football without a shirt on in my day. Over the past few years I have had no problem doing so. My peers had finally caught up to me in the puberty game (been going strong myself since 4th grade...just kidding...2nd grade) and now I wasn't the only chap at the pool party who wasn't looking like a 5 year old named Timmy. Onto the biggest point of the summer: pool etiquette.
OK, make sure every time, even if you are chubby, you don't go into the pool with a t-shirt on. Other dudes will think you are a jackass and girls will know you aren't confident, and the females hate a man with a lack of confidence. Plus, you'll just look like that fat kid you went to camp with back in the day who actually somehow appeared fatter when he got outta the pool wearing his over sized white T. The same chest hair related problems don't exist in college compared to those in high school. In college everyone is trans gender, gay, a member of the Green Party, a vegan, gay, depressed, or all of the above that it doesn't even matter if you got a hairy chest. But in high school, your image is everything.
Here is the secret when attending a pool party or going swimming with your peers around you: make sure there is at least one other hairy guy that is going to be removing his shirt, too. That way, you won't be the only real man around and there is the possibility he is hairier than you and the girls will notice that.
"Jeez, look at Ari's chest hair. He looks like wolverine from X-Men" said Stacy
"But good lord! Look at Roger's chest hair. His chest looks like Albus Dumbledore's beard!" said Stacy's friend Amber
Also, try to avoid laying down or sitting next to several friends who are less hairy than you. If you must do so, place yourself in the middle as opposed to the beginning or the end. That way, the shock is brought down to a lesser extent. If a girl sees you at the beginning of a row, it might be too much to handle right off the bat. If she sees you at the end, here eyes will be used to seeing the hairless and this will be too much for her at the end.
I think that hair in high school or at a young age is seen as a negative because how it is portrayed in ads and because hair is associated with a lack of hygiene. As we get older, it becomes the true sign of manhood. I mean look at some of history's greatest hairy chested men. I'll give two fantastic examples: Austin Powers and James Bond. I mean my goodness, do you get any better than that? These two cover all categories. Comedy, action, smooth talkers, clever, great dressers, smart, and both are ladies men.
However, I will say that one should avoid the V-neck undershirts. Nobody really wants to see the chest hair popping out of the shirt. Its okay to be shirtless at the pool or in the park on a hot day but nobody wants to see all that walking down the street; clean it up. Go for a regular crew neck undershirt.
Maybe I feel this way because I consider myself a guy from the old school. Sure I was born in the 80's and I'm not into all this new technology and fashion. Give me a zoot suit, a type writer, some James Brown, and a VCR and I'll show you a party.
Ladies, do you really want to be married to man who doesn't have any chest hair when you are older. Sure, it is possible he never could grow any but that is unlikely. You don't want to tell people he is 47 years old and shaving his chest do you? How would that look if you are trying to gather your three kids for school and when you ask your husband to help you he says: "Just a minute honey, these spots around my nipples are tricky!"
There are all these devices and surgeries for hair removal but you need to realize that we are a people and culture that is ever changing. We live for fads. One day its in, the next, its out. I'm not telling you what to do but am here merely to give suggestions and provide a different point of view. Hey, Europeans are generally hairy, and they are at least 5 times better off than we are.
Get on this chest hair bandwagon NOW while you still can. Who knows, with gas prices these days and myself being in high demand, I might not have time in the future to pull over and let you hop on.
Now that summer is officially here, and our Independence Day is right around the corner, it is time to address an issue that has been associated with men for quite some time now: the hairy chest.
According to Darwin and evolution, we use to be a lot hairier than we are today. And that goes for females as well. So one can say that we have lost a lot of hair over the years and are a far cry from our original selves. On the other hand, if you think Darwin didn't know what the hell he was talking about, we are significantly hairier than our first go around with Adam & Eve. Of course I was not present at the Garden of Eden, but I can confidently say that based on textual information and drawings, their bodies were completely hairless with the exception of head hair.
But forget the past, let's focus on the present. In today's world, especially in the States, smooth and hairless is in. This is on display mostly in the advertising and marketing field. While shopping for boxer briefs just the other day I noticed that not only did all the male models have little to no chest hair, but there legs appeared to be bare as well. When male celebrities appear on covers of magazines shirtless, such as the no talent ass clown Matthew McConaughey or Justin Timberlake, they, too, have little to no chest hair. Are they naturally like this or do they shave/wax it? I don't know that answer but I do know this: chest hair is great, and I'm bringing it back.
Before I continue, and before all the women out there scrunch their faces and say "Eww", I am a proud owner of chest hair. I am no grizzly bear by any standards but I do enjoy the Norwegian carpet located on my front side. I'll even admit that I have shaved my chest twice in my life. I had to do it. I was in the 10th grade and I knew I was the only one of my friends who had chest hair. I was fine with it myself, but I thought the girls might not like it and by comparison, I would be not as desired.
Now, I am a 20 year old male and I have been known to go swimming or play some football without a shirt on in my day. Over the past few years I have had no problem doing so. My peers had finally caught up to me in the puberty game (been going strong myself since 4th grade...just kidding...2nd grade) and now I wasn't the only chap at the pool party who wasn't looking like a 5 year old named Timmy. Onto the biggest point of the summer: pool etiquette.
OK, make sure every time, even if you are chubby, you don't go into the pool with a t-shirt on. Other dudes will think you are a jackass and girls will know you aren't confident, and the females hate a man with a lack of confidence. Plus, you'll just look like that fat kid you went to camp with back in the day who actually somehow appeared fatter when he got outta the pool wearing his over sized white T. The same chest hair related problems don't exist in college compared to those in high school. In college everyone is trans gender, gay, a member of the Green Party, a vegan, gay, depressed, or all of the above that it doesn't even matter if you got a hairy chest. But in high school, your image is everything.
Here is the secret when attending a pool party or going swimming with your peers around you: make sure there is at least one other hairy guy that is going to be removing his shirt, too. That way, you won't be the only real man around and there is the possibility he is hairier than you and the girls will notice that.
"Jeez, look at Ari's chest hair. He looks like wolverine from X-Men" said Stacy
"But good lord! Look at Roger's chest hair. His chest looks like Albus Dumbledore's beard!" said Stacy's friend Amber
Also, try to avoid laying down or sitting next to several friends who are less hairy than you. If you must do so, place yourself in the middle as opposed to the beginning or the end. That way, the shock is brought down to a lesser extent. If a girl sees you at the beginning of a row, it might be too much to handle right off the bat. If she sees you at the end, here eyes will be used to seeing the hairless and this will be too much for her at the end.
I think that hair in high school or at a young age is seen as a negative because how it is portrayed in ads and because hair is associated with a lack of hygiene. As we get older, it becomes the true sign of manhood. I mean look at some of history's greatest hairy chested men. I'll give two fantastic examples: Austin Powers and James Bond. I mean my goodness, do you get any better than that? These two cover all categories. Comedy, action, smooth talkers, clever, great dressers, smart, and both are ladies men.
However, I will say that one should avoid the V-neck undershirts. Nobody really wants to see the chest hair popping out of the shirt. Its okay to be shirtless at the pool or in the park on a hot day but nobody wants to see all that walking down the street; clean it up. Go for a regular crew neck undershirt.
Maybe I feel this way because I consider myself a guy from the old school. Sure I was born in the 80's and I'm not into all this new technology and fashion. Give me a zoot suit, a type writer, some James Brown, and a VCR and I'll show you a party.
Ladies, do you really want to be married to man who doesn't have any chest hair when you are older. Sure, it is possible he never could grow any but that is unlikely. You don't want to tell people he is 47 years old and shaving his chest do you? How would that look if you are trying to gather your three kids for school and when you ask your husband to help you he says: "Just a minute honey, these spots around my nipples are tricky!"
There are all these devices and surgeries for hair removal but you need to realize that we are a people and culture that is ever changing. We live for fads. One day its in, the next, its out. I'm not telling you what to do but am here merely to give suggestions and provide a different point of view. Hey, Europeans are generally hairy, and they are at least 5 times better off than we are.
Get on this chest hair bandwagon NOW while you still can. Who knows, with gas prices these days and myself being in high demand, I might not have time in the future to pull over and let you hop on.
Monday, June 25, 2007
My New Found Love & Hate
Usually, standing in line and waiting for your B.A.R.T. train during rush hour is not fun. It is almost always chaotic from the time you enter the station until the time you reach your destination. In the morning, I always make sure I am in no rush and try to catch the train that will get me to work early. That way if I miss it, I can catch the one that will get me there on time.
On the way home, leaving San Francisco, I can take one of two trains and they are only 7-9 minutes apart. Missing one is no big deal. I casually leave the office, casually descend the stairs, and casually board the train.
I cannot imagine anything I must drop everything and go home for. (Unless Michael Jordan or James Gandolfini were on my doorstep) Of course I'd rather be at home then in the office or waiting on B.A.R.T. (Even though I do like to be home at or around 6 to watch Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) I imagine some of the Bay Area's finest are obligated to pick up or take their kid to practice, cook dinner, or just feel their time is of the utmost importance. Watching these grown individuals race down stairs and bulldoze over people has become the brightest part of my day.
As I patiently stand in line observing the Richmond or Pittsburgh Bay Point passengers board, my eyes immediately dart toward the escalator. Part of me is silently rooting for someone racing down to just trip and start a business casual domino effect. But I usually just settle for the door closing right smack dab in their face. And then there is that look. The look they give after they have to turn around is just priceless. I think some of those people get pissed at the other waiting passengers. They start to hate them because they know that their train DEFINETLY won't come until after everyone else currently waiting has. Ha ha ha Mr. or Ms., ha ha ha.
On the way home, leaving San Francisco, I can take one of two trains and they are only 7-9 minutes apart. Missing one is no big deal. I casually leave the office, casually descend the stairs, and casually board the train.
I cannot imagine anything I must drop everything and go home for. (Unless Michael Jordan or James Gandolfini were on my doorstep) Of course I'd rather be at home then in the office or waiting on B.A.R.T. (Even though I do like to be home at or around 6 to watch Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) I imagine some of the Bay Area's finest are obligated to pick up or take their kid to practice, cook dinner, or just feel their time is of the utmost importance. Watching these grown individuals race down stairs and bulldoze over people has become the brightest part of my day.
As I patiently stand in line observing the Richmond or Pittsburgh Bay Point passengers board, my eyes immediately dart toward the escalator. Part of me is silently rooting for someone racing down to just trip and start a business casual domino effect. But I usually just settle for the door closing right smack dab in their face. And then there is that look. The look they give after they have to turn around is just priceless. I think some of those people get pissed at the other waiting passengers. They start to hate them because they know that their train DEFINETLY won't come until after everyone else currently waiting has. Ha ha ha Mr. or Ms., ha ha ha.
-------------------------------------
The journey back home from work is quite different than the one going. For starters, I can let my nose hairs run wild as opposed to worrying about them sticking out in front of my supervisor.
Everyone just wants to relax and unwind. Nobody is quite home yet but they know they are close. Nobody wants to be bothered and have all the things that are associated with the office follow them on their ride home. Especially the use of the cell phone.
Sure, text messages are okay, and so is emailing on your Blackberry. (For the record, I am not big on cell phone use. I'm from the Old School. Give me a land line and the pay phones baby). But then you got your folks who can't live without their cell. You got the people who decide to continue or even BEGIN a conversation on the train. These jokers have more nerve than your mom does when it comes to finding out whether or not you have a girlfriend. (Oh, to the lengths they will go...)
I don't like using the cell phone in what I call public places: restaurants or eating a meal at home, in cars when other people are present, while watching a movie, and both at home & the theater.
But these people on B.A.R.T., oh man. They won't even really talk about things pertaining to them or the person on the other end. It will be really obvious things or the current status of the train YOU are on.
"Yeah, we are at the West Oakland Station right now. The doors just opened."
"Yea girl, this train is so full today."
"I know, I can't believe all the people got job's either. Some of them are fakin' it"
I mean I could understand if a trial was pending, or you had to perform surgery later, or your daughter didn't have her inhaler or EpiPen. But come on!
Unless its an emergency, just wait till you get off the train. Then you can discuss the current status of your bowel movements and ponder how Elizabeth Taylor still "looks like that".
Everyone just wants to relax and unwind. Nobody is quite home yet but they know they are close. Nobody wants to be bothered and have all the things that are associated with the office follow them on their ride home. Especially the use of the cell phone.
Sure, text messages are okay, and so is emailing on your Blackberry. (For the record, I am not big on cell phone use. I'm from the Old School. Give me a land line and the pay phones baby). But then you got your folks who can't live without their cell. You got the people who decide to continue or even BEGIN a conversation on the train. These jokers have more nerve than your mom does when it comes to finding out whether or not you have a girlfriend. (Oh, to the lengths they will go...)
I don't like using the cell phone in what I call public places: restaurants or eating a meal at home, in cars when other people are present, while watching a movie, and both at home & the theater.
But these people on B.A.R.T., oh man. They won't even really talk about things pertaining to them or the person on the other end. It will be really obvious things or the current status of the train YOU are on.
"Yeah, we are at the West Oakland Station right now. The doors just opened."
"Yea girl, this train is so full today."
"I know, I can't believe all the people got job's either. Some of them are fakin' it"
I mean I could understand if a trial was pending, or you had to perform surgery later, or your daughter didn't have her inhaler or EpiPen. But come on!
Unless its an emergency, just wait till you get off the train. Then you can discuss the current status of your bowel movements and ponder how Elizabeth Taylor still "looks like that".
Friday, June 22, 2007
Its True What They Say, Ya Know
As I limped into the final day of my first week on the job, I looked backed on the week itself and analyzed it. From training to schmoozing to electronic filing and scanning, it was actually kind of fun.
To pinpoint the highlight of the week, I must really concentrate. Sure, spending 9hrs in San Francisco is quite lovely. Getting my own desk/cubicle that allows me to see who walks by is convenient. And the espresso/cappuccino/late machine downstairs is truly fantastic. All of these and then some have been great. I look forward to the weeks to come and learning as much as I can about Law.
However, there was one specific instance that will forever be cemented in my mind that occurred this afternoon. Interestingly enough, it involved only myself. There was no conversing with anyone, no detective work, no nothing. It actually happened accidentally.
Throughout the work day I tend to drink a lot of fluids. No, no, no, I do not carry a flask with me if that was what you were thinking. I drink some coffee, a glass or two of milk, some juice, and lots of water. Naturally, I tend to visit the room of mirrors and tile floors rather often.
Today, I was experiencing more difficulty than is customary with my allergies. After taking my claritin at the office, (expect an entry on the essentials at work ) I found myself rather hot and constantly refiling my cup of water. On my second go around to the gentleman's room I was overcome with shock and excitement at the result of an amazing discovery.
As I recount my tale, I want to inform the female readers that they might not know exactly what I am talking about because, well, y'all sit down. Nevertheless, I shall continue.
I cannot speak for all males out there but I will say that after I am done doing my business there is a bit of a process. (#1 mind you. I will not go around re-telling my adventures that involve a newspaper or aimless text messaging and takes longer that 50 seconds. Shame on you for thinking I would write about #2 in here.) I tend to "shake, shake, shake" as KC and The Sunshine Band would say. You see, once I place the serpent back into the cotton cage, there can be a bit of, well, "drippage". And "drippage" is no good. No good at all.
On this particular afternoon I was fairly tired. First week of work + Friday ="I want to go home!". Once I was finished, I began to take the necessary precautions to prevent a small brook from going down my thigh.
I did not notice until it was too late. I was shaking vigorously, recklessly, and for way too long. My mind was elsewhere throughout the whole process. After realizing this, I was afraid to look down and assess the damage. But I had to look. I had to make an attempt to clean myself up before going back to work. As I looked South, my jaw dropped.
There was no mark. No darkness. No color differential. There was just drops that sat atop the surface. I made one sweeping motion and it all disappeared. I couldn't figure it out and then it hit me. Those pants I bought last week (check out entry entitled "Those Four Letters") weren't just Dockers, they were STAIN DEFENDERS.
Those things actually worked. I never really believed the commercials. I mean come on who does? They have some Joe Schmo sitting down playing with a baby who is holding a glass of red wine and then the wine spills on him. And the wine just rolls right off. How do you just invent a material that is resistant to stain? It just doesn't seem possible. But, my dear readers, it is legit.
Now, I might just bypass the urinal completely and just go in my pants. I could just put a paper cup at the end of my pant leg and will never have to leave my chair. Bad idea?
I suggest to all the males reading to go and buy a pair of stain defenders. As far as the females, I don't know if they make them for you or not. See if they have them for women because I still haven't figure you out and you never know.
To pinpoint the highlight of the week, I must really concentrate. Sure, spending 9hrs in San Francisco is quite lovely. Getting my own desk/cubicle that allows me to see who walks by is convenient. And the espresso/cappuccino/late machine downstairs is truly fantastic. All of these and then some have been great. I look forward to the weeks to come and learning as much as I can about Law.
However, there was one specific instance that will forever be cemented in my mind that occurred this afternoon. Interestingly enough, it involved only myself. There was no conversing with anyone, no detective work, no nothing. It actually happened accidentally.
Throughout the work day I tend to drink a lot of fluids. No, no, no, I do not carry a flask with me if that was what you were thinking. I drink some coffee, a glass or two of milk, some juice, and lots of water. Naturally, I tend to visit the room of mirrors and tile floors rather often.
Today, I was experiencing more difficulty than is customary with my allergies. After taking my claritin at the office, (expect an entry on the essentials at work ) I found myself rather hot and constantly refiling my cup of water. On my second go around to the gentleman's room I was overcome with shock and excitement at the result of an amazing discovery.
As I recount my tale, I want to inform the female readers that they might not know exactly what I am talking about because, well, y'all sit down. Nevertheless, I shall continue.
I cannot speak for all males out there but I will say that after I am done doing my business there is a bit of a process. (#1 mind you. I will not go around re-telling my adventures that involve a newspaper or aimless text messaging and takes longer that 50 seconds. Shame on you for thinking I would write about #2 in here.) I tend to "shake, shake, shake" as KC and The Sunshine Band would say. You see, once I place the serpent back into the cotton cage, there can be a bit of, well, "drippage". And "drippage" is no good. No good at all.
On this particular afternoon I was fairly tired. First week of work + Friday ="I want to go home!". Once I was finished, I began to take the necessary precautions to prevent a small brook from going down my thigh.
I did not notice until it was too late. I was shaking vigorously, recklessly, and for way too long. My mind was elsewhere throughout the whole process. After realizing this, I was afraid to look down and assess the damage. But I had to look. I had to make an attempt to clean myself up before going back to work. As I looked South, my jaw dropped.
There was no mark. No darkness. No color differential. There was just drops that sat atop the surface. I made one sweeping motion and it all disappeared. I couldn't figure it out and then it hit me. Those pants I bought last week (check out entry entitled "Those Four Letters") weren't just Dockers, they were STAIN DEFENDERS.
Those things actually worked. I never really believed the commercials. I mean come on who does? They have some Joe Schmo sitting down playing with a baby who is holding a glass of red wine and then the wine spills on him. And the wine just rolls right off. How do you just invent a material that is resistant to stain? It just doesn't seem possible. But, my dear readers, it is legit.
Now, I might just bypass the urinal completely and just go in my pants. I could just put a paper cup at the end of my pant leg and will never have to leave my chair. Bad idea?
I suggest to all the males reading to go and buy a pair of stain defenders. As far as the females, I don't know if they make them for you or not. See if they have them for women because I still haven't figure you out and you never know.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
A Request from Mr. Spectacular
Dear Readers,
If you are able to, and would be so kind, please leave your comments following any of the blogs you have read. Even if a critique, a suggestion, or merely praise, I welcome and invite you to do so. I do hope you are enjoying reading my blog as I thoroughly enjoying writing it. I truly appreciate it and look forward to reading them.
Sincerely, and With Love,
Mr. Ari B. King
P.S. Many thanks to all the readers who have written comments already.
If you are able to, and would be so kind, please leave your comments following any of the blogs you have read. Even if a critique, a suggestion, or merely praise, I welcome and invite you to do so. I do hope you are enjoying reading my blog as I thoroughly enjoying writing it. I truly appreciate it and look forward to reading them.
Sincerely, and With Love,
Mr. Ari B. King
P.S. Many thanks to all the readers who have written comments already.
Training Day
(Note: For those who haven't read 'The Night Before', I suggest you do so now. This entry follows that one and will be that much better if you do so)
Emerging from the Embarcadero station, I was determined to not to get lost on my first day at work. As I glanced slowly around at the street signs, I easily spotted my building: 425 Market St. I felt a little out of place walking in the crowd. Not because I knew this was not everyone else's first day bur rather due to the fact that I didn't have a Blackberry nor was balding (knock knock). Nobody seemed to know that I was a rookie so I walked up to the security desk and stated my business.
I was told to head upstairs to the 33rd floor. Once at the reception desk I was informed the orientation would begin in 10 minutes and I could wait in the conference room. As I walked in a young gentleman was already seated at one of the chairs. We each gave a standard "Hey" and pretended the other didn't exist. I got up after a minute of awkward yet comical silence to look more closely at the snack and refreshments table. After deciding to not eat or drink anything with flavor, for fear of having the breath smell or something getting stuck in my teeth (oh come on, its the first day, you can't blame me), I settled on ice water. Not wanting to sit across silently from this guy, I put in my ice cubes as slow as possible to give myself more time with my back to him.
After realizing The Messiah could have returned, had a Mocha Frappuccino AND played Jumanji in the local park faster than the speed I was getting my ice water, I sat back down. Finally, one of us broke the silence and we introduced ourselves. However, the table before me was deceptively wide. As we reached across the table to shake hands, we ended up shaking just fingers due to the underestimation of the distance by both parties. It was great.
Shortly thereafter, the rest of the interns arrived as did the man who hired us and the narrator of the power point presentation. Once the presentation went underway I found myself very attentive. I also noticed that I was in the single worst seat to see the screen. I was at the end, the seat closet to screen which unfortunately was only about 2 feet away from it. I did not want to turn my chair to directly face the screen so as to turn my back on everyone else; I was forced to constantly turn my head between the screen and the orientation binder they gave me. It must of looked like I was shaking my head over and over again live a bratty 7 year old who refuses to eat brussel sprouts. (Still a 'yuck' for this dapper dude).
After 20 minutes my mind began to wander. Luckily for me my seat was facing the window and the rest of downtown San Francisco. Like anyone else would do, I began imaging myself as Spider-Man. Going from building to building using my web. Getting that adrenaline rush. (Hoping that although there is no visible nose or mouth slits in my suit I would still maintain consciousness) Feeling the breeze of the wind as that read and blue outfit ride up my crotch like that horrible pair of underwear you refuse to throw away and use in emergency cases only. But I was brought back by the conclusion of the presentation and beginning of filling out tax papers.
I'll be honest, I didn't know what the hell I was doing when it came to these papers. I periodically tried to steal looks at the other interns paper's only to have re-adjust my watch or do an uncomfortable neck stretch. I finally just turned it in thinking I was alright. (I would later have to ask for another W-4 the following day after my dear mother chewed me out)
The rest of the day was highlighted by enjoying my lunch break in the beautiful San Francisco outdoors with a couple slices of pizza while people watching. Oh, and the new hire Asian guy who couldn't stop telling jokes during the building and security tour.
I don't fault the guy at all for trying to be funny. Hell, you know I'm all about that. No, the best part about it was that he was making jokes about first aid kits and proper earthquake drills. Not to mention he spoke so soft that he had to, on every occasion but one, repeat the joke. Luckily for me I was standing behind this guy throughout the whole tour and was able to successfully cover up my smile or laughter while scratching every part of my face.
The rest of the day carried on like a traditional first: meet and greets of new people, anxious looks around you for fear of looking stupid(er) or caught not doing something, and the constant glance at the clock.
As 5:30 rolled around I gathered all my binders and packets so I could look them over before bed (uh-huh, sure) and took the BART home.
BOOK IT LADIES & GENTLEMAN! My first day on the Job.
I am officially no longer a Gangster.
I am now a Corporate Gangster.
(Oh stop. You're making me blush)
Emerging from the Embarcadero station, I was determined to not to get lost on my first day at work. As I glanced slowly around at the street signs, I easily spotted my building: 425 Market St. I felt a little out of place walking in the crowd. Not because I knew this was not everyone else's first day bur rather due to the fact that I didn't have a Blackberry nor was balding (knock knock). Nobody seemed to know that I was a rookie so I walked up to the security desk and stated my business.
I was told to head upstairs to the 33rd floor. Once at the reception desk I was informed the orientation would begin in 10 minutes and I could wait in the conference room. As I walked in a young gentleman was already seated at one of the chairs. We each gave a standard "Hey" and pretended the other didn't exist. I got up after a minute of awkward yet comical silence to look more closely at the snack and refreshments table. After deciding to not eat or drink anything with flavor, for fear of having the breath smell or something getting stuck in my teeth (oh come on, its the first day, you can't blame me), I settled on ice water. Not wanting to sit across silently from this guy, I put in my ice cubes as slow as possible to give myself more time with my back to him.
After realizing The Messiah could have returned, had a Mocha Frappuccino AND played Jumanji in the local park faster than the speed I was getting my ice water, I sat back down. Finally, one of us broke the silence and we introduced ourselves. However, the table before me was deceptively wide. As we reached across the table to shake hands, we ended up shaking just fingers due to the underestimation of the distance by both parties. It was great.
Shortly thereafter, the rest of the interns arrived as did the man who hired us and the narrator of the power point presentation. Once the presentation went underway I found myself very attentive. I also noticed that I was in the single worst seat to see the screen. I was at the end, the seat closet to screen which unfortunately was only about 2 feet away from it. I did not want to turn my chair to directly face the screen so as to turn my back on everyone else; I was forced to constantly turn my head between the screen and the orientation binder they gave me. It must of looked like I was shaking my head over and over again live a bratty 7 year old who refuses to eat brussel sprouts. (Still a 'yuck' for this dapper dude).
After 20 minutes my mind began to wander. Luckily for me my seat was facing the window and the rest of downtown San Francisco. Like anyone else would do, I began imaging myself as Spider-Man. Going from building to building using my web. Getting that adrenaline rush. (Hoping that although there is no visible nose or mouth slits in my suit I would still maintain consciousness) Feeling the breeze of the wind as that read and blue outfit ride up my crotch like that horrible pair of underwear you refuse to throw away and use in emergency cases only. But I was brought back by the conclusion of the presentation and beginning of filling out tax papers.
I'll be honest, I didn't know what the hell I was doing when it came to these papers. I periodically tried to steal looks at the other interns paper's only to have re-adjust my watch or do an uncomfortable neck stretch. I finally just turned it in thinking I was alright. (I would later have to ask for another W-4 the following day after my dear mother chewed me out)
The rest of the day was highlighted by enjoying my lunch break in the beautiful San Francisco outdoors with a couple slices of pizza while people watching. Oh, and the new hire Asian guy who couldn't stop telling jokes during the building and security tour.
I don't fault the guy at all for trying to be funny. Hell, you know I'm all about that. No, the best part about it was that he was making jokes about first aid kits and proper earthquake drills. Not to mention he spoke so soft that he had to, on every occasion but one, repeat the joke. Luckily for me I was standing behind this guy throughout the whole tour and was able to successfully cover up my smile or laughter while scratching every part of my face.
The rest of the day carried on like a traditional first: meet and greets of new people, anxious looks around you for fear of looking stupid(er) or caught not doing something, and the constant glance at the clock.
As 5:30 rolled around I gathered all my binders and packets so I could look them over before bed (uh-huh, sure) and took the BART home.
BOOK IT LADIES & GENTLEMAN! My first day on the Job.
I am officially no longer a Gangster.
I am now a Corporate Gangster.
(Oh stop. You're making me blush)
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
The Night Before
Yesterday, June 18th, 2007, was my first day on the job. Well, not exactly. Yesterday, as well as today, were 'Orientation'. Ya know, learning the ropes. We had tech training, received paperwork, awkwardly yet comically met other interns, got a tour of the building and where files are kept, met supervisors, learned what is expected of us, received paper work, filled out the W-4 and I-9, showed where the copy room is, watched the 'New Hire' video, and received paper work. Did I already mention that?
In order to properly understand my first two days at at The Firm, I must take you back to Sunday night; The night before.
Sunday, 9:30 PM. As I finish looking over the day's Sports page, I tell my ma that I am going to be in bed at 11:15 and go to sleep at 11:30. After all, I have to wake up at 7 to go to work. Prior to this past Monday I had been living the typical summer life for a college student. Go to sleep at 3 after watching TV aimlessly, wake up at noon or later, never fully get dressed unless it is of utmost importance, and tell my ma that "I deserve this lifestyle" for going to school for 9 months. Now of course you can throw some other things in there for you weirdos such as doing research about wheter or not we actually landed on the moon or expanding one's ant farm (wow, member those? Damn right you do). But I told myself this Sunday night was going to be different.
I was back to the night before my first day in high school. I picked my outfit for the next day and placed it oh-so-carefully on a chair. I put out the boxer briefs, the socks, the dress shirt, the slacks,the undershirt, the belt, and the shoes. I lined everything up as if an invisible man with no bones in his body was seated in my chair. I felt I wouldn't have time to get anything out of the closet or drawer. I had to lay everything out. I got into bed and shut off the light at 11:27. I'd get about 7 1/2 hrs and be set for work. I had as much luck falling asleep as you do when you tell a friend that you can sleep on the floor and "it won't be that bad". 41 minutes later, after rolling around extensively, I turned on my light and pulled out Harry Potter 6 and read.
I had my alarm set for 7:07 but I awoke at 7:01. Too anxious to be tired, I hoped outta bed and went to run the shower. As the hot water was going, I went over to my Ipod and went to the best wake-me-up-feel-good-don't-look-at-his-face-but-just-listen-to-his-music guy I know: Michael Jackson. Debating between 2 of his many classics I elected to go with my personal favorite: Billie Jean. I hopped in the shower feeling good and belting out "Not my lover!"
Coming out of the shower I was full of energy. The shower just woke me up, (but like the effect most morning showers I take, I would come crashing down later in the day harder than the Baha Men's career), I had MJ blasting, and a bowl of Frosted Flakes and a glass of orange juice awaited.
I ate too fast and bolted out the house at 7:48 to catch a 8:08 B.A.R.T. train. I had bought my ticket the previous day to avoid any lines and was patiently waiting for my ride. I boarded, and after 4 stops, and 22 minutes, I exited the station to enter my new life...
In order to properly understand my first two days at at The Firm, I must take you back to Sunday night; The night before.
Sunday, 9:30 PM. As I finish looking over the day's Sports page, I tell my ma that I am going to be in bed at 11:15 and go to sleep at 11:30. After all, I have to wake up at 7 to go to work. Prior to this past Monday I had been living the typical summer life for a college student. Go to sleep at 3 after watching TV aimlessly, wake up at noon or later, never fully get dressed unless it is of utmost importance, and tell my ma that "I deserve this lifestyle" for going to school for 9 months. Now of course you can throw some other things in there for you weirdos such as doing research about wheter or not we actually landed on the moon or expanding one's ant farm (wow, member those? Damn right you do). But I told myself this Sunday night was going to be different.
I was back to the night before my first day in high school. I picked my outfit for the next day and placed it oh-so-carefully on a chair. I put out the boxer briefs, the socks, the dress shirt, the slacks,the undershirt, the belt, and the shoes. I lined everything up as if an invisible man with no bones in his body was seated in my chair. I felt I wouldn't have time to get anything out of the closet or drawer. I had to lay everything out. I got into bed and shut off the light at 11:27. I'd get about 7 1/2 hrs and be set for work. I had as much luck falling asleep as you do when you tell a friend that you can sleep on the floor and "it won't be that bad". 41 minutes later, after rolling around extensively, I turned on my light and pulled out Harry Potter 6 and read.
I had my alarm set for 7:07 but I awoke at 7:01. Too anxious to be tired, I hoped outta bed and went to run the shower. As the hot water was going, I went over to my Ipod and went to the best wake-me-up-feel-good-don't-look-at-his-face-but-just-listen-to-his-music guy I know: Michael Jackson. Debating between 2 of his many classics I elected to go with my personal favorite: Billie Jean. I hopped in the shower feeling good and belting out "Not my lover!"
Coming out of the shower I was full of energy. The shower just woke me up, (but like the effect most morning showers I take, I would come crashing down later in the day harder than the Baha Men's career), I had MJ blasting, and a bowl of Frosted Flakes and a glass of orange juice awaited.
I ate too fast and bolted out the house at 7:48 to catch a 8:08 B.A.R.T. train. I had bought my ticket the previous day to avoid any lines and was patiently waiting for my ride. I boarded, and after 4 stops, and 22 minutes, I exited the station to enter my new life...
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Those Four Letters
Heading into my last weekend before work, I wanted to buy some new clothes so I could fit in with my "business casual" associates. Sure, I have a some dress pants and nice slacks that I wore to a steady dose of Bar Mitzvahs but I needed to go down a different path this time. I needed to get some nice dockers, beige and/or navy blue. I got the shirts on lock so I'm good there. But let's be honest, I'll be looking fly no matter what. (Ladies, y'all know what I'm talking bout...yeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhh)
I began this glorious Saturday by going to my scheduled photo shoot. I am not kidding. I seriously had a photo shoot this morning. In Walnut Creek, CA. See, prior to getting this job at the Firm (Paul, you're the man), I was desperate. I was on craigslist.com day and night looking for a job. I went into the section where people can participate in surveys or tests and be compensated for it. I saw that this company wanted people to appear in commercials for their product and if chosen, they would be paid. So, I signed up.
My ma had the idea to go looking for pants afterward in the local mall so she came with. I wore your standard blue jeans and a polo shirt. (Had to appear like I wasn't trying to hard but I still had my s*it together) It was in a nice brick building on a corner. I turned in my application to John and let the cameraman do his thing. Bada Boom Bada Bang and we were outta there.
We figured we would go to Macy's and see if we could find some relatively cheap pants there. Little did I know that we would be finding a great bargain. We walked into the men's department at 11:15 and the place was already packed. Seemed as if Contra Costa County's finest had been planning to come here for awhile. The sign that greeted the costumers said it all: "SALE".
Now, I'm not sure about you but from my own experience, both from observing others and acting on my own accord, we, as humans, love to hear this word.
Of course in this instance it happened to work out for us because we came here looking for something in particular. However, for those who don't have anything in mind, it proves to be a bit more damaging.
I got two pairs of pants. One standard beige dockers and one pair of linen pants. I won't inform you on how much we paid for them because I find it tasteless to go posting prices on the internet. If you really want to know, you can ask me. Don't get it wrong though. Both my ma and I are superb shoppers when it comes to price. Not only did we use the hell out of this Father's Day Sale, but my mom also had an additional discount. Don't worry about us, worry about yourselves.
The main thing I noticed or overheard throughout my Macy's journey was how people justified getting their clothes. Sure, some people actually needed an item or had something in mind, but most were just buying something because it was on sale. This is where Mr. King shakes his head.
This tends to also happen at the grocery store where your mom or pops will have bought something you usually don't get or get 5 of something you usually do. "Honey, why did you buy so much mayonnaise?" "Because it was on sale"
When it comes to retail, especially with women, it gets a little absurd. But all people in general will buy items they just don't need but because they saw that beloved "SALE" sign. Folks will buy jackets and equipment not necessary even for Sherpa's in Nepal but because it was on sale, they "had to".
That is the other general phrase I heard a lot of today. When there is a sale people feel they are doing a disservice to themselves, their family & friends, and even their country if they don't buy this sale item. I don't get it. The color or style of the item sometimes doesn't even strike the person as pretty or nice but because its on sale, they got it.
I don't have a wife or girlfriend, (although the application deadline has been extended through the end of July), but I imagine that this is going to become tough for me as I get older. Not necessarily because I will have restrain myself from buying sale items but because my female counterpart might. I could be wrong but I'm probably right. I encourage any and everyone to just try to control themselves when they see the "SALE" sign. Think about it before you buy it.
Just ask yourself this one question: are you getting the item more because you like it or
I began this glorious Saturday by going to my scheduled photo shoot. I am not kidding. I seriously had a photo shoot this morning. In Walnut Creek, CA. See, prior to getting this job at the Firm (Paul, you're the man), I was desperate. I was on craigslist.com day and night looking for a job. I went into the section where people can participate in surveys or tests and be compensated for it. I saw that this company wanted people to appear in commercials for their product and if chosen, they would be paid. So, I signed up.
My ma had the idea to go looking for pants afterward in the local mall so she came with. I wore your standard blue jeans and a polo shirt. (Had to appear like I wasn't trying to hard but I still had my s*it together) It was in a nice brick building on a corner. I turned in my application to John and let the cameraman do his thing. Bada Boom Bada Bang and we were outta there.
We figured we would go to Macy's and see if we could find some relatively cheap pants there. Little did I know that we would be finding a great bargain. We walked into the men's department at 11:15 and the place was already packed. Seemed as if Contra Costa County's finest had been planning to come here for awhile. The sign that greeted the costumers said it all: "SALE".
Now, I'm not sure about you but from my own experience, both from observing others and acting on my own accord, we, as humans, love to hear this word.
Of course in this instance it happened to work out for us because we came here looking for something in particular. However, for those who don't have anything in mind, it proves to be a bit more damaging.
I got two pairs of pants. One standard beige dockers and one pair of linen pants. I won't inform you on how much we paid for them because I find it tasteless to go posting prices on the internet. If you really want to know, you can ask me. Don't get it wrong though. Both my ma and I are superb shoppers when it comes to price. Not only did we use the hell out of this Father's Day Sale, but my mom also had an additional discount. Don't worry about us, worry about yourselves.
The main thing I noticed or overheard throughout my Macy's journey was how people justified getting their clothes. Sure, some people actually needed an item or had something in mind, but most were just buying something because it was on sale. This is where Mr. King shakes his head.
This tends to also happen at the grocery store where your mom or pops will have bought something you usually don't get or get 5 of something you usually do. "Honey, why did you buy so much mayonnaise?" "Because it was on sale"
When it comes to retail, especially with women, it gets a little absurd. But all people in general will buy items they just don't need but because they saw that beloved "SALE" sign. Folks will buy jackets and equipment not necessary even for Sherpa's in Nepal but because it was on sale, they "had to".
That is the other general phrase I heard a lot of today. When there is a sale people feel they are doing a disservice to themselves, their family & friends, and even their country if they don't buy this sale item. I don't get it. The color or style of the item sometimes doesn't even strike the person as pretty or nice but because its on sale, they got it.
I don't have a wife or girlfriend, (although the application deadline has been extended through the end of July), but I imagine that this is going to become tough for me as I get older. Not necessarily because I will have restrain myself from buying sale items but because my female counterpart might. I could be wrong but I'm probably right. I encourage any and everyone to just try to control themselves when they see the "SALE" sign. Think about it before you buy it.
Just ask yourself this one question: are you getting the item more because you like it or
Friday, June 15, 2007
Ocean's 13 & The Grand Lake
First things first: I want my money back for Ocean's 12. That movie was easily one of the top 13 worst movies I've seen. I want money back for the ticket I bought, the gas I used driving to the theater, and the emotional damage done to me after being caught completely off guard by horribleness.
Went to the movies yesterday with my ma. It was real hot out so we decided to cool off by attending a matinée. Went to the Grand Lake Theater in Oakland. I encourage everyone to see a movie at this theater. The main theater downstairs is fantastic. The decor is very beautiful with a retro theatrical feel. In addition, a curtain rises as the movie begins. There is also a live Organ player on weekends. Not to mention the FREE popcorn to every customer seeing a movie Monday-Thursday, day or night, in the month of June.
As far as the third installment: better, but not that great. I think the 'Ocean's' series as whole is overrated. I enjoyed Ocean's 11 and although this one wasn't fantastic, it gets ranked #2. (Primarily by default. Hell, I would have given the nod to Little Man or The Lion King 1 1/2 before Ocean's 12) While watching this movie I noticed several aspects that made the film both good and bad.
Let's start at the top shall we? There is no other way to put it: Brad Pitt and George Clooney (jury still out on Matt Damon) are some cool cats. I am not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) but they just got something going on in these movies. Their wardrobe, (suits rarely accompanied with a tie, give a casual yet suave and sophisticated look), poise, and demeanor are all very cool. I wasn't really feeling all the jokes in the movie but most of the others in the theater were. Not necessarily because they were funny but rather because it was Pitt and Clooney making them. I feel as if the other viewers knew the jokes were only sometimes comical but always laughed anyway because it was Pitt or Clooney delivering them.
This movie revolves around the similar premise of those that came before it: the gang gets together and robs someone. And in the process there are jokes, great disguises, and clever scenes and lines.
To be honest, I think part of me resents this movie because the producers and writers realize they can have a very predictable and simple plot and still make millions because of the cast. They can just get all these people together and figure the rest out later. However, I will admit that the cast is great especially those that aren't the 'stars' such as Casey Affleck and Scott Caan. Then you add Al Pacino AND get rid of Julia Roberts? Lovely.
13 provides little to no surprises and at times, is rather slow. There are no significant action or suspense moments but maybe that is the movie's M.O. Of course there are little funny things here or there but the movie is just based on wit and outsmarting someone else.
I am curtailing this entry because I have come the realization that I am not that big of a fan of these movies because I am jealous. Jealous that all these guys get paid for robbing hotels, wearing great outfits, filming in Vegas, and being cool, some super cool.
Who am I too judge these people on something that I would love to do. I'd take their job in a heartbeat.
Wouldn't you?
Went to the movies yesterday with my ma. It was real hot out so we decided to cool off by attending a matinée. Went to the Grand Lake Theater in Oakland. I encourage everyone to see a movie at this theater. The main theater downstairs is fantastic. The decor is very beautiful with a retro theatrical feel. In addition, a curtain rises as the movie begins. There is also a live Organ player on weekends. Not to mention the FREE popcorn to every customer seeing a movie Monday-Thursday, day or night, in the month of June.
As far as the third installment: better, but not that great. I think the 'Ocean's' series as whole is overrated. I enjoyed Ocean's 11 and although this one wasn't fantastic, it gets ranked #2. (Primarily by default. Hell, I would have given the nod to Little Man or The Lion King 1 1/2 before Ocean's 12) While watching this movie I noticed several aspects that made the film both good and bad.
Let's start at the top shall we? There is no other way to put it: Brad Pitt and George Clooney (jury still out on Matt Damon) are some cool cats. I am not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) but they just got something going on in these movies. Their wardrobe, (suits rarely accompanied with a tie, give a casual yet suave and sophisticated look), poise, and demeanor are all very cool. I wasn't really feeling all the jokes in the movie but most of the others in the theater were. Not necessarily because they were funny but rather because it was Pitt and Clooney making them. I feel as if the other viewers knew the jokes were only sometimes comical but always laughed anyway because it was Pitt or Clooney delivering them.
This movie revolves around the similar premise of those that came before it: the gang gets together and robs someone. And in the process there are jokes, great disguises, and clever scenes and lines.
To be honest, I think part of me resents this movie because the producers and writers realize they can have a very predictable and simple plot and still make millions because of the cast. They can just get all these people together and figure the rest out later. However, I will admit that the cast is great especially those that aren't the 'stars' such as Casey Affleck and Scott Caan. Then you add Al Pacino AND get rid of Julia Roberts? Lovely.
13 provides little to no surprises and at times, is rather slow. There are no significant action or suspense moments but maybe that is the movie's M.O. Of course there are little funny things here or there but the movie is just based on wit and outsmarting someone else.
I am curtailing this entry because I have come the realization that I am not that big of a fan of these movies because I am jealous. Jealous that all these guys get paid for robbing hotels, wearing great outfits, filming in Vegas, and being cool, some super cool.
Who am I too judge these people on something that I would love to do. I'd take their job in a heartbeat.
Wouldn't you?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I Blame Myself Pt. 2
Note: If you have not read 'I Blame Myself Pt. I', I suggest you do so now. Otherwise, this entry will not be as good for you
Into Wal-Mart I walked. I was greeted with a "Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart" from a woman who looked well into her 70's. Unfortunately, the first thing to pop into my mind was: 'Damn, you are being exploited as we speak' Sad but true. I quickly responded with a 'Hi'.
My mom had told me that she was in the cereal isle right before I came into the store. Last time I checked, my mom told me she was coming to just get one item. That one item later turned out to be a scale but in the process of getting it, she managed to nearly fill her cart with "things for me". You ever been with your mom or dad and they tell you they are only going to get a few things but end up getting 1/4 of the store? Then, on top of all that, they say most of the items "are for you anyway". They spin it around on you and how much you eat. But half of the stuff in the cart is special adult diet food. You know, the reduced fat cookies, or the Progresso soup with half the calories.
As I entered the cereal isle, I saw my mom conversing with an Asian woman with a box of 'Kashi' cereal in her hand. I had no desire to enter this conversation nor did I want to be like Lurch and stand there so I just kept walking. I called my mom on her phone and said I was currently in Wal-Mart and going to look for a messenger bag.
Wal-Mart does not necessarily scream out 'orderly' or 'in control' so I decided to just start at one end of the store and just make my way across. I started in the Electronics department and as I made my way into the Women's section, I noticed some backpacks. OK, most of these backpacks had Dora The Explorer or SpongeBob on them, but I thought some other types of carrying bags would be near by. As I am looking, I notice a contingent of women around me and as I turn to look at them, I see that I am in the heart of panties land.
As I clearly had no daughter, mother, or sister with me, I came off a little suspect to these women. I didn't want to quickly leave for fear of looking real weird and as if I had just been caught or something, so I decided to walk around acting like I was shopping. I didn't know how to respond to all the women and girls looking at me so I just smiled. After getting two disdainful looks from two women, I got out of there after realizing that a 20 year old male who was perusing in the bra section, and smiling at every woman, was not a good idea.
At this point, I was regretting three things: 1) that I even entered Wal-Mart, 2) that I was in the women's underwear section and 3) that I didn't take any Claritin or Benadryl before I left the house.
Walking down the center isle that runs parallel to the cash registers I was constantly turning my head from left to right looking for some sign of a messenger bag. Of course the categories they have on the hanging signs rarely provide any clarification to the costumer. I was looking for a bar of soap one time and went down the "Hygiene" isle. I came across more Vagisil and Yeast Infection Remedies that could supply half the women in Reno, NV. Why can't they just have a sign that reads: "Things to wash your ass"? That sure would do the trick for me.
I didn't see any isle that stuck out to me but I backtracked to the "Luggage" isle thinking that I would have some luck there.
I'm looking through all the different bags for luggage when I hear an "excuse me" behind me. I turn around and see a woman who looks in her 40's standing there with her little kid.
"Do you know where I can find Transformers figures?" she asks.
"What?" I respond.
"Do you work here?"
"NO."
Here I was looking in the luggage section and this woman comes up to me asking where the transformers are. First off, this woman should have been in the TOY section. Next, why in the hell did she think I worked there? Maybe she got confused with what I was wearing and how it is similar to the Wal-Mart employees. I had PLAID SHORTS and a GREY T-SHIRT . Oh wait, the standard Wal-Mart attire is slacks and their trademark BLUE VEST.
I watched this woman walk away and while doing so I called my mom and told her I would be waiting for her in the car.
Into Wal-Mart I walked. I was greeted with a "Hello, welcome to Wal-Mart" from a woman who looked well into her 70's. Unfortunately, the first thing to pop into my mind was: 'Damn, you are being exploited as we speak' Sad but true. I quickly responded with a 'Hi'.
My mom had told me that she was in the cereal isle right before I came into the store. Last time I checked, my mom told me she was coming to just get one item. That one item later turned out to be a scale but in the process of getting it, she managed to nearly fill her cart with "things for me". You ever been with your mom or dad and they tell you they are only going to get a few things but end up getting 1/4 of the store? Then, on top of all that, they say most of the items "are for you anyway". They spin it around on you and how much you eat. But half of the stuff in the cart is special adult diet food. You know, the reduced fat cookies, or the Progresso soup with half the calories.
As I entered the cereal isle, I saw my mom conversing with an Asian woman with a box of 'Kashi' cereal in her hand. I had no desire to enter this conversation nor did I want to be like Lurch and stand there so I just kept walking. I called my mom on her phone and said I was currently in Wal-Mart and going to look for a messenger bag.
Wal-Mart does not necessarily scream out 'orderly' or 'in control' so I decided to just start at one end of the store and just make my way across. I started in the Electronics department and as I made my way into the Women's section, I noticed some backpacks. OK, most of these backpacks had Dora The Explorer or SpongeBob on them, but I thought some other types of carrying bags would be near by. As I am looking, I notice a contingent of women around me and as I turn to look at them, I see that I am in the heart of panties land.
As I clearly had no daughter, mother, or sister with me, I came off a little suspect to these women. I didn't want to quickly leave for fear of looking real weird and as if I had just been caught or something, so I decided to walk around acting like I was shopping. I didn't know how to respond to all the women and girls looking at me so I just smiled. After getting two disdainful looks from two women, I got out of there after realizing that a 20 year old male who was perusing in the bra section, and smiling at every woman, was not a good idea.
At this point, I was regretting three things: 1) that I even entered Wal-Mart, 2) that I was in the women's underwear section and 3) that I didn't take any Claritin or Benadryl before I left the house.
Walking down the center isle that runs parallel to the cash registers I was constantly turning my head from left to right looking for some sign of a messenger bag. Of course the categories they have on the hanging signs rarely provide any clarification to the costumer. I was looking for a bar of soap one time and went down the "Hygiene" isle. I came across more Vagisil and Yeast Infection Remedies that could supply half the women in Reno, NV. Why can't they just have a sign that reads: "Things to wash your ass"? That sure would do the trick for me.
I didn't see any isle that stuck out to me but I backtracked to the "Luggage" isle thinking that I would have some luck there.
I'm looking through all the different bags for luggage when I hear an "excuse me" behind me. I turn around and see a woman who looks in her 40's standing there with her little kid.
"Do you know where I can find Transformers figures?" she asks.
"What?" I respond.
"Do you work here?"
"NO."
Here I was looking in the luggage section and this woman comes up to me asking where the transformers are. First off, this woman should have been in the TOY section. Next, why in the hell did she think I worked there? Maybe she got confused with what I was wearing and how it is similar to the Wal-Mart employees. I had PLAID SHORTS and a GREY T-SHIRT . Oh wait, the standard Wal-Mart attire is slacks and their trademark BLUE VEST.
I watched this woman walk away and while doing so I called my mom and told her I would be waiting for her in the car.
Monday, June 11, 2007
I Blame Myself Pt. I
After applying to The Harbor Bay Club (f*ck you), Knight's Catering Co. (f*ck you, too), and The Alameda Golf Course (big time f*ck you), I finally managed to obtain a job: an internship at a Law Firm in San Francisco. I'll be starting next week and I am real excited.
Last night I found out that the attire is 'business casual' so I am not too worried about what is in my closet. Aside from worrying about parking my car in the BART parking lot everyday and what exactly my position as an intern entails, I am pondering what type of bag or pack I am going to bring to work.
Let's be honest, a backpack is out of the question. (although I would be interested in revolutionizing the corporate world on some level) So, as a male, I am left with either a briefcase or a messenger bag. I don't want to over do it or seem as if I'm trying to hard so I think I will pass on the briefcase. A messenger bag it is.
Naturally, I looked at all my gift cards trying to find one I could use in this particular instance. I had gift cards for Tower Records (R.I.P.), Barnes & Noble, and The Sports Authority (formerly Sportsmart. Does anyone, including the company themselves, know why they changed their name to the f*cking Sports Authority?) I convinced myself that The Sports Authority was bound to have a messenger bag but I think its because I had a gift card there. Has anyone ever done this? Convince yourself that the store you have a gift card for has something that you KNOW they don't really have? Like you have a gift card to T.G.I. Friday's and you convince yourself there is an outside chance they have Birthday cards.
After I told my mom I was headed to get a messenger bag, she said she would go with me because she had to get one thing at Wal-Mart. One thing my ass.
Both stores were in the same complex so I went on my way and she on hers. I quickly learned that The Sports Authority (I really hate that name) does not carry what I was looking for and my mom convinced me to just meet her in Wal-Mart. At this point I was mad they didn't have what I was looking for, having a little allergy attack, and was entering a world of complete chaos...
Last night I found out that the attire is 'business casual' so I am not too worried about what is in my closet. Aside from worrying about parking my car in the BART parking lot everyday and what exactly my position as an intern entails, I am pondering what type of bag or pack I am going to bring to work.
Let's be honest, a backpack is out of the question. (although I would be interested in revolutionizing the corporate world on some level) So, as a male, I am left with either a briefcase or a messenger bag. I don't want to over do it or seem as if I'm trying to hard so I think I will pass on the briefcase. A messenger bag it is.
Naturally, I looked at all my gift cards trying to find one I could use in this particular instance. I had gift cards for Tower Records (R.I.P.), Barnes & Noble, and The Sports Authority (formerly Sportsmart. Does anyone, including the company themselves, know why they changed their name to the f*cking Sports Authority?) I convinced myself that The Sports Authority was bound to have a messenger bag but I think its because I had a gift card there. Has anyone ever done this? Convince yourself that the store you have a gift card for has something that you KNOW they don't really have? Like you have a gift card to T.G.I. Friday's and you convince yourself there is an outside chance they have Birthday cards.
After I told my mom I was headed to get a messenger bag, she said she would go with me because she had to get one thing at Wal-Mart. One thing my ass.
Both stores were in the same complex so I went on my way and she on hers. I quickly learned that The Sports Authority (I really hate that name) does not carry what I was looking for and my mom convinced me to just meet her in Wal-Mart. At this point I was mad they didn't have what I was looking for, having a little allergy attack, and was entering a world of complete chaos...
The Sopranos Pt. 2
This, unlike the previous entry, is going to be a spoiler. So, if you DO NOT want The Sopranos ruined for you, stop reading. Now.
For those who want a detailed deconstruction of The Sopranos, they should check out Tim Goodman on sfgate.com
Fantastic? Horrible? Cheesy? Brilliant? How does one go about describing (their feelings) in regards to the ending? Well, when the scene abruptly cut to black without sound I immediately looked to the two guys with whom I was watching with for answers. I first glanced to the owner of the house (and TV). He had already picked up the remote faster than Doc Holiday drew his guns in Tombstone. He thought there was something wrong with the cable but then the credits began to air and we were all in shock.
For me, the shock was not necessarily from how it ended but that it ended. I refused the whole episode to check my watch. I didn't want to know, at any point, how much time was left in the episode and I was, and still am, thoroughly disappointed that the show is over.
I personally thought the whole episode was amazing. I would have preferred for it to be two or three hours but that is strictly for selfish reasons. I was curious to see how they could get through it all in just the one hour. But oh Mr. Chase.
Two parts particularly stood out: Phil Leotardo's murder, and the very last scene. Now, going into tonight's episode, I was wanting New Jersey prevail over New York, with Tony living and Phil dying. And when Phil was at the gas station with his daughter and grandchildren, I knew at least half of my wish would come true. He stepped out of the passenger seat and as soon as he closed the door... BAM! Right in the back of the f*cking head! He immediately crumbled to the ground. His daughter, horrified, began screaming and got out of the car with it still in Drive. The car began to roll slowly and within 5 second, the front right tire went DIRECTLY over Phil's head. (Sorry buddy, no open casket for you)
At this point in the night, I had my hands raised in the air like I had just knocked out my opponent and I was now the World Heavyweight Champion. Here I was, rooting for this man to be murdered, and now that he was, I was happy. Part of me feels bad for thinking this way but I had to choose a side (we always have to) and my mind was made up. Tony Soprano and the Jersey crew till the end.
Ah the ending. How tense was that last 5 minutes?. Tony by himself sitting in the restaurant. Carmela walking in. They discuss Carlo, a member of Tony's crew, and how he has been flipped. Then in walks AJ right behind a guy who looks like he is going to whack Tony. Meadow being unable to parallel-park. The two Black guys walk in, they are maybe going to hit Tony. Cut to black. The End.
The more I think about this ending, the more I love it. Some were expecting a huge bloodbath with Tony and/or Tony dying. Or Janice to kill Tony, or AJ. Or Tony to squeal to the Feds and be put in Witness protection. There were countless ways to end the show. But would any of them really satisfied? Could any ending really be fitting to such a show? There are bound to be several critiques over the ending and its abruptness and lack of closure. But the conflict at hand was solved: Jersey defeats New York. Phil dies, Tony is left standing. That is the story line we were all following.
Sure we want to know what is going to come of Carlo flipping and whether or not Tony is going to prison. Some are speculating that somebody might have shot him right as the scene ended. Others think it has been left ambiguous because a movie is in the future. AJ or Janice could still kill him. Tony could go to the Feds with hopes of reducing his prison sentence (think Johnny Sac)
Who really knows? Not me, and I think it's beautiful.
So this is my farewell to The Sopranos. The greatest television show of all time. I will miss thee dearly. Thanks for the numerous memories.
For those who want a detailed deconstruction of The Sopranos, they should check out Tim Goodman on sfgate.com
Fantastic? Horrible? Cheesy? Brilliant? How does one go about describing (their feelings) in regards to the ending? Well, when the scene abruptly cut to black without sound I immediately looked to the two guys with whom I was watching with for answers. I first glanced to the owner of the house (and TV). He had already picked up the remote faster than Doc Holiday drew his guns in Tombstone. He thought there was something wrong with the cable but then the credits began to air and we were all in shock.
For me, the shock was not necessarily from how it ended but that it ended. I refused the whole episode to check my watch. I didn't want to know, at any point, how much time was left in the episode and I was, and still am, thoroughly disappointed that the show is over.
I personally thought the whole episode was amazing. I would have preferred for it to be two or three hours but that is strictly for selfish reasons. I was curious to see how they could get through it all in just the one hour. But oh Mr. Chase.
Two parts particularly stood out: Phil Leotardo's murder, and the very last scene. Now, going into tonight's episode, I was wanting New Jersey prevail over New York, with Tony living and Phil dying. And when Phil was at the gas station with his daughter and grandchildren, I knew at least half of my wish would come true. He stepped out of the passenger seat and as soon as he closed the door... BAM! Right in the back of the f*cking head! He immediately crumbled to the ground. His daughter, horrified, began screaming and got out of the car with it still in Drive. The car began to roll slowly and within 5 second, the front right tire went DIRECTLY over Phil's head. (Sorry buddy, no open casket for you)
At this point in the night, I had my hands raised in the air like I had just knocked out my opponent and I was now the World Heavyweight Champion. Here I was, rooting for this man to be murdered, and now that he was, I was happy. Part of me feels bad for thinking this way but I had to choose a side (we always have to) and my mind was made up. Tony Soprano and the Jersey crew till the end.
Ah the ending. How tense was that last 5 minutes?. Tony by himself sitting in the restaurant. Carmela walking in. They discuss Carlo, a member of Tony's crew, and how he has been flipped. Then in walks AJ right behind a guy who looks like he is going to whack Tony. Meadow being unable to parallel-park. The two Black guys walk in, they are maybe going to hit Tony. Cut to black. The End.
The more I think about this ending, the more I love it. Some were expecting a huge bloodbath with Tony and/or Tony dying. Or Janice to kill Tony, or AJ. Or Tony to squeal to the Feds and be put in Witness protection. There were countless ways to end the show. But would any of them really satisfied? Could any ending really be fitting to such a show? There are bound to be several critiques over the ending and its abruptness and lack of closure. But the conflict at hand was solved: Jersey defeats New York. Phil dies, Tony is left standing. That is the story line we were all following.
Sure we want to know what is going to come of Carlo flipping and whether or not Tony is going to prison. Some are speculating that somebody might have shot him right as the scene ended. Others think it has been left ambiguous because a movie is in the future. AJ or Janice could still kill him. Tony could go to the Feds with hopes of reducing his prison sentence (think Johnny Sac)
Who really knows? Not me, and I think it's beautiful.
So this is my farewell to The Sopranos. The greatest television show of all time. I will miss thee dearly. Thanks for the numerous memories.
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